Séx and the Spouse [Archive] - Dad Stays Home - Place for Stay at Home Dads to Share Daddyhood Experiences

dad2jeff

07-06-2005, 06:34 AM

I am going through the (mommy duties) taking the oldest to school today for the first time. and there was the underlying resentment when she got home but it did not come out like that. it was the pi22off at me wife that i got. finally she said she was mad because i got too take him to school today. maybe it comes from the way they grew up mommy stays home and all. I dont think the SAHD'S need to be studied, its the go to work moms that need the shrink's. the hard part for me is not making any money.

I stayed home like most of us did because moms job pays better, better benifits as well. she was also up for her bosses job. so i stayed home. makes sense right? :???: if i knew it was going to be like this i would be working two jobs! or three. hell i dont need a beer i need twelve!

Sonnie Bee

07-06-2005, 11:54 AM

i definitely sympa... no, EMPAthize with you, dad2jeff!

this is kind of what prompted me to post the question. i am sure there's many of us that experience the whole resentment thing, but to what degree do we all share it in common.

for us, everything was fine until the wife's failing business became strong again (part of why we decided to do this SAHD role). but now, it's becoming more frequent to deal with the frustrations of resentment.

her point of view is, "i was raised to believe in the whole princess/prince charming fairy tale. i was raised watching my dad provide for our family while my mother raised us. i just never expected to be the provider for my family."

while i understand the point, i think it's an incredibly unfair and skewed perspective. my response to that is that we are both providing for our family. we are both raising our kids. and we are both working our tails off to make it work.

dabrewinguy's joke was pretty funny. but i suspect that when my wife gets home to a spotless house, a gourmet dinner waiting, and two kids who view her as the greatest american hero, she may tend not to see the true effort that goes into it... much like the hubby of the traditional days.

the older i get and the older the kids get, i'm starting to understand what my own mom went through. in the past two years of being home, i've become much closer to my own mom. my appreciation for her and what she sacrificed is huge.

i should also add that i've recently started up my freelance work again. i, too, need to start making a buck and using my brain for things besides 3-2-1 Magic and what might go good with pork and polenta. ugh!

;)

tt3

07-06-2005, 02:26 PM

The family dynamic is "interesting" to say the least. I think its very easy to loose the priority on the husband-wife relationship and slip into mommy-daddy all the time. *stepping up on soap box* Its my uneducated opinion that the best way to keep the family strong is to keep that initial husband-wife bond strong. A marriage is between two loving people, and its again my (uneducated) opinion that the kids can only benifit from that strong bond.
Once kids become priority and husband-wife take the way back burner things start to get tense. If I can't be a good husband, I don't feel like a good dad.
*falling off box*
Having a sick kid makes things a little harder, and ... well, we don't exactly practice what I'm preaching. :oops:
Sounds good in theory...
:lol:

Chef Dave hi-spd

07-06-2005, 05:15 PM

I'm very lucky that my wife has been my best friend for some time. We have been together for 10 years or so. ( still can't remember her birthday :oops: ) The biggest thing * where's that soapbox?* for us is communication, which we some times have trouble with. For the most part we talk about everything and we work together on most problems. When the communication fails *see ruff patch* we start having problems. Luckly they are few and far between. I didn't have the resentment thing to deal with so I don't have pearls of wisdom to offer, sorry. As a side note I'm thinking about getting a palm trio and one of the nice things is that I could take a pic and sent it by e-mail right then and there. When betsy goes into grant maddness and is at the office for long periods if something cool is happening I could snap a pic and send it to her. I could also e-mail since she responds more to that then the phone. To me it seems like another way for her to be involved when she is working her butt off, would be kind of nice to get a pic of maddy doing a cartwheel in the middle of the day, just because.

dabrewinguy

07-07-2005, 05:52 AM

I never really had to deal with resentment from my wife either, although she has mentioned to me on several occasions that she doesn't like her job anymore and wishes she could stay home. But she also told me that most days it is well worth it, and wouldn't want anyone else but me raising our kids. I think I get more resentment from other family members than I do her. :roll: Right after I quit my job I felt a little resentment at first toward her, even though it only made sense because I only made half of what she does, but I missed the adult interaction, and feeling like I'm contributing my fair share, and all the stuff that goes along with going to work everyday. Luckily the only frustration we face on a regular basis is money.

Muz

07-07-2005, 10:32 PM

I don't get the resentment from the wife much. She grew up in a household where both parents worked after she started school, but mom quickly outpaced dad on the earnings chart. The last few years he's only been working to keep himself busy. I do admit to sometimes feeling resentment towards her on days when I could really use some adult interaction. It's better now that Nathan is older, but I still miss the office sometimes.

As for "getting together". We have been each other's best friends for the past 13 years. The sex dropped off even before we got married six years ago. I answered monthly because I always know when ovulation day is here! Then I must wait until the cycle repeats itself. Occasionally we get together twice in a month, but then we miss a month sometimes too. We never had that period of increased libido that most pregnant women are said to experience.

Indy

07-08-2005, 05:14 AM

Risking the backlash of my wife finding this post...

This thing called sex, I believe I've heard of it--might even have participated in it back in the day. With the wife pregnant (again), I sometimes feel as if I've done my duty and that my services are no longer needed.

During the first pregnancy, I was prepared for the drop-off in energy/libido during the first and third trimesters of the pregnancy and was looking forward to the second trimester, when she was supposed to be a bit randy. I was also prepared for the six week downtime after the kid arrived. What I wasn't prepared for was the impact that breast feeding had on her sexual appetite (read little to none). Folks, we're talking a 15 month recession in sexual futures here. :shock: And now I'm smack dab in the middle of it again.

Granted, being parents in general has also decreased the windows of opportunity. Gone are the days of catching her off-guard. :twisted: Quite a thing to get used to after 7 years of a regular regimen. These days, I sympathize with the challenges NASA faces when sending something to Mars. Everything has to be in proper alignment. The kid has to be asleep (or visiting a grandparent), the house has to be void of visitors, the wife has to be well rested if it's a weekday, I have to come to bed 4 hours earlier than usual (she's usually in bed by nine), and the kid-to-be has to allow mom to be comfortable. On top of all that, she has to be "in the mood". When all of these things come to past, I am governed by so many rules of engagement, that I suspect if they were written down they'd rival anything the Geneva Convention came up with. Bah, I'm venting. To be fair, it's been a few days.

As for spousal resentment, that's not something that we've had a problem with. Sometimes she's envious, but she also realizes that staying home with a kid is not something she could handle on a regular basis.

SAHF

07-08-2005, 12:12 PM

It definitely changes dramatically. Funny part is that the joke used go...

Hubby comes home from his day at the office
Wife has dinner waiting for him
Hubby want's to get frisky before bed
Wife says not tonight I have a headache.

Now...

Hubby stays home with the kids all day
Wife comes home from her day at the office
Somehow they manage to eat dinner
Hubby wants to get frisky before bed
Wife still has headache.

http://home.cfl.rr.com/hrwasp/images/rofll.gif

tt3

07-08-2005, 01:58 PM

Ok, at risk of giving too much information I'm still going to procede... as with Indy, if my wife saw this I'd be in a pickle. But I think its humorous with a great ending.
First though, my wife is my best friend as well, thankfully since a lot of other friends have come and gone. We even started as friends before becoming more, though, obviously, I always wanted it to be more...
ok, I'm digressing

We've only used the pill early on and then natural family planning, so weren't familiar with all the um, varieties...
You know the number one trusted brand of um... latex ... birth control? Yeah, see there was an add for one with "warming sensation for him and her" on it in the local paper. Man, the things they'd advertise. :roll:
So she pointed it out in mild disbelief for being in the paper (We're both raised Catholic, little bit conservative about stuff like that.)
Next day I emailed her at work about something then hinted about those products and trying them out. She told me sure, so long as I take the girls with me to get them, thinking that would stop me! :twisted:
To make a long story shorter, they don't really work as advertised... :lol:
But I told her maybe its a sensitivity to it or something, and we'll have to try them more to make absolutely sure.

Funny that it happened right after this topic was brought up. :)

Now to find out about those mint ones....

Remington

07-08-2005, 02:26 PM

My wife and I are very sporadic. Some times we get together physically every evening for a week at a time. But sometimes if, say.... we are all sick, or busy, then we may go a few days or more. It has never transpired into several weeks apart.

I believe staying intimate physically is important.

To mix things up just surprise her. If it is really hot and humid then grab a couple ice cubes and rub it slowly all over her body. Take your time. There is never need for rushing.

Use oils and massages. It always leads to sex. Just mix it up a bit. :wink:

Don-Dad

07-08-2005, 04:38 PM

Ok Doctor Ruth, haha! So that's why you don't visit that often, too busy making whoopie :wink:

My only response is that it does not happen as often as I'd like :P

My wife has had 2 surgeries in the past 4 months (nothing bad, sinues and old knee injury, a torn acl repair) So that has hurt my chances of getting lucky alot, haha!

Weston

07-08-2005, 04:46 PM

Someone voted daily.... :shock:

lucky bastage

Don-Dad

07-08-2005, 05:06 PM

I hope some poor bastard does not vote "never" :oops:

Does it count if, well, no one but yourself is involved in the "whoopie" hahaha! If yes, I may have to change my vote hahaha!

Weston

07-08-2005, 06:44 PM

I hope some poor bastard does not vote "never" :oops:

Does it count if, well, no one but yourself is involved in the "whoopie" hahaha! If yes, I may have to change my vote hahaha!

Are you requesting an "hourly" answer Don?

:lol:

Indy

07-08-2005, 08:44 PM

http://www.klumps.com/assets/images/granfoto.jpg

Having relations with one's self does not count as daily. :lol:

floridamcmarion1

07-13-2005, 02:02 PM

I was reading this thread last night and suddenly got suprised. My wife comes into the office where the computer is, completely naked, and requested that I join her in the bedroom. I know it didn't have anything to do with the thread, but it was a nice coincidence! Guess I can't vote never now :D

It really has varied once we got kids. It also depends on how stressful things are at her job. Our longest dry spell was 2 months, and that ended about 3 months ago. Summers are worse, as the oldest is home most of the time. It will help when the two older ones are in school here in a month. She will often come home for lunch during the 1 year olds naptime for some food and extracurricular activity.

In our house frequency has a lot to do with our schedule. It's hard to have any fun with 3 kids in the living room. By the time they are in bed, one or both of us is exhausted. She also has meetings nearly every night and doesn't feel like playing after that. During the day by far works best for us, if we can just get the kids out of the house. School starts August 8th here, so we're almost there :D :D :D

Sonnie Bee

07-13-2005, 07:29 PM

She also has meetings nearly every night and doesn't feel like playing after that.

i think that's an important point and maybe one that i forget too often. the ritual itself after having kids is just that, "playtime."

after being home all day with kids and craving some adult interaction, it's hard to connect with the idea that, yeah, she's had just as hard a day as i have and yeah, maybe tonight's not a good night to "play."

in the past year, we were able to take two short trips away, just us - no kids. an amazing and wonderful transformation occured and we both realized how much we enjoyed that playtime. it's next to impossible to get that with one another in the normal day-to-day, or even on weekends.

in august, we're supposed to be going away again. it's a business trip to vegas for her, but she asked if i would be interested in coming along... "a-duhh!" i said. we're very excited. now, if i can get grandma to commit to sitting we'll be all set! hehe

RefDad

07-14-2005, 02:48 PM

Wow is this a timely topic for me. I was on vacation last week and missed it. Long story short: Lots of recurring resentment in our marriage but I'm woman enough to admit most of it is mine. I thought I had put it behind me when the youngest got out of diapers 2.5 years ago, but this past winter I received subtle hints that I was spending too much time officiating. I found that both ironic and hypocritical since my wife has never so much as set her alarm to get into work early so she could come home early. I figured I'd hit Nirvana where we could lead our separate lives and occasionally re-express our love for each other.

Not even sure if the SAHD factors into our issues - I think communication is more the issue. I'm sure traditional marriages and SAHM situations breed the same issues we're having. We were best friends, lovers, etc. before kids ... since kids have come we did a good job in the beginning but the older the kids get the less time we spend on our marriage. There are many days where I feel like a houseboy rather than a husband.

Whoopie? I'm of the opinion I'm under-sexed, especially since I physically work all day and should be the one tired at night! I'd say on average 3-4 times per month, which is about half of what I'd prefer. There is certainly time from my end but I can't compete with laptop computer and TiVo.

However, pardon the female-ness of what I'm about to say, the next chance we get to have whoopie I'm going to tell the wife I'd rather just talk so possibly we can clear some air at our house. I think if I turn down sex she may actually see I'm serious about our communication, or lack thereof in the past few weeks. We've been together 13 years and married for more than eight and this is really our first rough patch. I'm not even sure if she realizes it -- maybe I'm the only one having the rough patch? That's how (lack of) communication goes when multiple things are put in front of the marriage.

I could go on and whine about why I had initial resentments, but in reality my wife LOVES her job, gets paid well enough, we have healthy children and we spend less than we make. That's a pretty good foundation. It's just tough to view the glass as half full some days.

Sonnie Bee

07-15-2005, 12:43 PM

the next chance we get to have whoopie I'm going to tell the wife I'd rather just talk so possibly we can clear some air at our house. I think if I turn down whoopie she may actually see I'm serious about our communication

rule number one in the whole male versus female relationship fiasco: NEVER EVER NEVER turn down whoopie, if you're a male.

talk later, my friend... talk later! ;)

as for your honesty and feedback, thank you. i empathize with your situation and have been struggling with much of it myself. it's so nice knowing we're not alone in all this.

Jackson's Dad

07-16-2005, 02:19 PM

i thought rule one was to never call it "whoopie". :wink:

RefDad

07-17-2005, 11:12 PM

I used the word " sex " in another context and the message board software changed the word for me. I think the software may have changed it to whoopie on its own. As in, "The Whoopie of your baby can be determined via ultrasound, prior to the actual birthing process."

However, I actually enjoy using the term "whoopie" ... also like mattress wrestling and species reproduction practice since this is a family site.

As an update to the posts above, I actually carved out some time late Friday night to have a six-year review of the stay-at-home process, and a discussion about the things (e.g. everything) that have come before our marriage in the past 12 months. Instead of going on the offensive I was actually calm and asked questions in an attempt to get my wife to respond. It actually worked. I told her after six years, this is getting easier, not harder. No diapers, no carrying a kid around all day, etc. More like officiating. She said, "It just seems like when I get home you can't wait to get out of the house." To which I calmly replied, "Well ... it is 7pm and if I'm going to mow the yard or go to the gym I have to get moving at that late an hour."

One key was I pointed out how lucky the boys are, how lucky I am and how lucky she is that we're in a situation where I can stay home with them. Her schedule is hardly ever altered because of kids, I am free to set up my nights and weekend ref schedules and the kids don't go to daycare.

No magic problem solver, but approaching subjects without being offensive and/or yelling seems to work. Why didn't someone tell me that 20 years ago?

And I didn't have to turn down any whoopie.

Jackson's Dad

07-19-2005, 07:22 PM

Good for you! Sounds like a great conversation.

Buzz522

07-29-2005, 12:56 AM

Sex......oh yeah, I remember that. It was about 9 months before the baby came ........................

Jackson's Dad

07-29-2005, 08:03 PM

oh, that's sad, guys.

Buzz522

07-29-2005, 09:05 PM

You think that's sad? Try this one..... :( ...my wife of 18 yrs (and we lived together for nearly 22) has left after being gone for a year working in Atlanta.....now I'm old, crippled, broke and may never make whoopie again...................unless I buy it!! :-({|= Donationations are now being taken............ :P

dad2jeff

07-30-2005, 04:36 AM

OK your telling me that only 19 of us are getting some :wink:

homemongo

07-31-2005, 02:11 AM

The last time for us kind of took us both by surprise... the baby was asleep and we were both awake. We did not waste the opportunity.

But we do talk to each other and try to spend some even a little bit of time together every day. Before she got pregnant we weren't exactly burning up the sheets but it has definitely dropped off.

But we were friends before we moved in with each other, let alone married or have a baby. And we're still friends.

And every once in a while, we still wonder how we ended up here... but wouldn't trade it for the world. Especially when he giggles.

pstone

08-01-2005, 03:23 PM

First let me introduce myself, SAHD to a 9month old boy in Florida. Struggling with sanity at times.

My big question is about the role reversal, if I was working dad I could come home, bring flower, cook nice dinner, clean house, etc...and SAHM would flip and I (sterotypically) would be in her good graces....ahem....

So being that I cook, clean, do everything, etc at the house now...what is left to "get in good graces"

once again, just some thoughts I was having and hello.

floridamcmarion1

08-01-2005, 06:14 PM

So being that I cook, clean, do everything, etc at the house now...what is left to "get in good graces"

I try, about once a month, to do a special dinner. The kids go to bed, early if possible (it's easier since they can't tell time really good), and I fix a really nice dinner. I pull out the good china, candles, cloth napkins and all the other bells and whistles. After dinner activities are then her job.

tt3

08-01-2005, 06:35 PM

Since we're all in a bit of role reversal, shouldn't it be our wives getting into our good graces? :lol:

still, we ARE men. 8)

jeffus

08-01-2005, 11:38 PM

Yeah! What's with all this touchy-feely "Guess what Jr did today" bullpoop?

I'm gonna try it: I'll act all pissed-off and when she asks what's wrong I say, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!". Maybe then I'll throw something and start crying.

Wish me luck! :D

Indy

08-02-2005, 12:22 AM

Be sure to videotape it (the role reversal part). Either it will work out as intended, or it'll be damned funny.

Buzz522

08-02-2005, 12:24 AM

Yeah, I want a copy of that tape.......................

Indy

08-02-2005, 03:48 AM

Don't forget the Hagendaas and a copy of "Thelma and Louise".

jeffus

08-02-2005, 03:49 AM

Look, I'm a Daddy, but I'm not that stupid. Don't let the diaper bag fool ya! :D

Sonnie Bee

08-02-2005, 04:05 AM

heeeeey... is that a Kate Spade diaper bag or is it Prada?

ugh! ;) ;) ;)

jeffus

08-02-2005, 04:11 AM

It's an Eddie Bauer knock-off or maybe a Coach. I don't know, looks expensive but it's full of quarters and will take your head off in one shot.

Go Ahead, laugh..... :axe:

tt3

08-02-2005, 01:06 PM

Go Ahead, laugh..... :axe:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

aaronlc1

08-09-2005, 01:49 PM

i noticed that myself, when I was working we had sex all the time, but when she started working there was resentment and hostilitie toward me staying home. She would complain how hard it was to stay home with one child, now there is two and shw works. So sex is far and imbetween. She seen to not be the same women I meet.

Buzz522

08-09-2005, 09:06 PM

They never are........................they stay home while you work and it's, " I need some relief. I can't take this anymore, I need adult contact." You stay home while they work and it's, "This job is killing me. I work hard all day long and come home where you've been lying on the couch watching TV all day." :P :P

DarthDaddy

08-19-2005, 07:13 PM

Wow someone said Yearly and someone said NEVER.... OUCH!!!!!!

We have always been best friends first and lovers second. We try to remember to think of each other all the time and not take each other for granted.

Our life is a TEAM Sport. We work together for a common goal.

Now I indicated Weekly in the poll, but that does not reflect now. We are "practicing" for the "Big Game" and # 3 so we are having a little extra fun. 4+ per week... The next few days will actually be the "Big Game" if we have her cycle down right. Testing as well to make sure...

I saw that a few had some long spells there with wife expecting and nursing... Not here... I am a lucky one I guess... My wife was REALLY in the mood for many weeks and after the healing was right back in that mood. When she was nursing however I just had to stay away from the source. Other then that away we go...

A note for those with expecting wifes close to or past the due date. I have two kids and both were encouraged to come out by some "Whoopie" as a few have said.

Darth-Daddy working toward # 3

Buzz522

08-19-2005, 09:01 PM

:prayer: 4+ a week.......... You be da man! Does your wife have a sister? :prayer:

sao95

08-21-2005, 04:42 AM

hope you all don't mind if I jump in on this topic, hold on I gotta roll up my sleeves for this :)

sex=sporadic (for awhile there it was never)

resentment= HELL YES!!!!!!! This (hopefully) has been resolved , but we'll see. After the wives preggo leave, I quit my job custom woodworking (which was the first job I had ever enjoyed), and for about 8 months it was good, I started taking a few night classes to finish the degree I never got years ago, the baby was happy, the house was clean, and the wife was finishing her degree, everything was great. (please note my school schedule had to be worked around the classes she needed, hers was priority)

Then the "you need a job, I pay all the bills, This worked out just like you wanted it to" comments started, but they were sparse, and I did get a job at night. But then when working at night my daughter wasn't getting the attention I felt she needed (the evening shift with her that my wife had). And then the wife starts bitching about me never being home at night and on weekends! Hello, you wanted me to get a job!!! So two jobs later I'm still getting bitched at, sex has left the building except on holidays (which was like a pity lay, and that pissed me off), I'm still getting hit with negative comments, the house is a constant mess, my daughter is getting shuffled around work and school schedules, and the dog won't stay in the yard. That's when I started thinking about just taking my daughter and leaving her. Was still thinking about it when I got the degree this past May, but now the wife is expecting me to go get a "good" job, we'll that's great but what about the baby? daycare is her answer, which I don't agree with and have never agreed with, so finally it ended with me grabbing my stuff one night and sleeping on the couch, she wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to know what's going on, and I just unloaded on her, everything about how she acts, and about how I quit a job I liked, how it seems to me that I am the only person who has sacrificed so that she could pursue her career. I told her I had lost a whole lot of self-respect in putting up with what I had, and that I had my own goals in this life. I told her point blank that I was not going to work a night job making 6 bucks an hour, if we needed money that much we could easily cut some things out (such as DSL). I then said I was over it, if she wanted me out fine, I didn't care anymore, if she wanted to work it out fine, but she better actually try. So things have improved, (we'll see how long it lasts), and it's day by day to be quite honest. The resentment she threw at me for two years though, to be quite honest, made me hate her for awhile. And I did decline sex, at one point I was happier with my hand, sad but true. The house is clean now though, my daughter is on a schedule again, and seems happier to me, I know I am happier which effects my ability to provide a positive home to be raised in, and it seems the wife is happier too (believe it or not). Today we had a grand time at the beach and even had sex twice during nap time (first time ever I think), the dog stayed in the yard, and my daughter went to sleep happy and content from a full day of playing and swimming. I'll keep ya posted on how it goes :)

sao

Buzz522

08-21-2005, 05:10 AM

Good luck, my brother............don't know if you read my plea for help, but be glad you were able to finish your degree. Be sure to keep a hand in the fire while you're home with your daughter. I had been at home with my daughter for 8 of our 16 year marriage when the wife decided to split for a better life without my worthless butt. I sold my business and stayed at home per her request so she could persue her career. Now I haven't had a job in 8 years, I'm crippled, penniless and homeless, but I have my daughter and an 83 year old Mom who has taken us in.

Put some faith in the guys here at DSH.com, they have been immensley supportive and helpful. At least I tend to look for the silver lining these days rather than wallow in mire of self-pity these days. Things will get better~~~things have to get better...............peace

sao95

08-21-2005, 10:48 AM

that sucks Buzz, did you have to fight for custody or did the wife give her up? is she paying child support? can you get your business back up and goin? worst case scenario, file for SS, get child support and half her crap, and then rape the syatem for everything a single parent can get, a federally backed small business loan would be easy to get if your disabled I think. Also could get the state to pay for college, go get your degree in something, meanwhile you can max out your student loans, all cash to spend cause grants will pay the tuition, course you'll have to pay them back, but they could get you through, that's all I can think of :(
sao

edit: I'm gonna add a little more :) that's one thing that has worried me, since the house is in her name, one day waking up and being asked to leave, with no family around and no job. I assume she would get custody since most courts still discriminate against men, and she makes the money. Anyone have any insight into how that works (regarding custody), and does anyone else worry about that?

Buzz522

08-21-2005, 05:21 PM

sao---
it does suck, but I'm gonna make it. I have applied for SSD. I kept thinking my ankle and leg would get better but after my last trip to yet another doctor...for a 5th or 6th opinion now--- he told me I had three choices, live with the pain, fuse it and relieve 60% of the pain or cut it off.......great choices, huh?

Liz hasn't paid a dimie of child support other than the $325 she sent in July. She has filed for divorce and the case goes to court Oct 17. I see my attorney again next week since we now have the papers. We're gonna go for her throat--she's made a few mistakes in her rush to "get on with her life"-- I have Carleigh in school, catholic school with a loan--Liz actually filed in Mississippi, in my home town where I grew up, played ball and double dated with the judge, her lawyer is not from Natchez, he's from Chicago, and she lied about her residency. She actually signed an affidavit with the court that she was a resident of Adams County, MS and that she did not become a resident simply to procure a divorce. Big mistake. Yes, things are looking up.

As far as my business, I owned part of a car dealership in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. And, no, I couldn't get back into it, I'm broke these days. Tell me, what do you know of government stuff for single Dads and all that stuff.........I know nothing and even though I've tried, I can't seem to Google anything either.....guess I don't know what I 'm looking for......grants, did you say?

Thanks for the help---------see what I mean about this web site? People are always coming in with new ideas and help. Whatever your problems, there is somebody here that can help you..........great bunch of guys...............peace

sao95

08-22-2005, 02:24 AM

Buzz, I saw in another thread where you have a degree in English? The first thing that popped into my head (taking into account your disabled) is teaching, be home when your daughter is home, and at school when she is at school :) you can substitute teach with your degree or get full time, some states require certification for full time though, which brings us back to college, or go for masters to teach college, which brings us back to college. There are a few different grants, most based on your income, (but there might be some based on disability), call your local college and ask to talk with financial aid, they can steer you the right way there. Also have you ever seen that guy with the commercials, he has ???? marks all over his suit, talking about free money? That's legit, I picked it up a handful of years ago (someone has stole it since), basically it lists all the federal and state grant programs, and other programs and gives info and contact info. They vary state by state though, and at the time I was living in Indiana, which didn't have much. Also alot of the programs have deadlines for yearly application, so you could have to wait awhile to apply, depending on the timeline. As for single dad programs, just pick up the phone and start calling govt. offices (i'd ask for single mom programs) but they can't deny you as that's discrimination :wink: I know my cousin ( a single mother) got alot of state help for college, food, housing, et cetera. I don't know the particulars though, just know it does exist. :)
sao

edit: also pick up the "writers market guide" for help publishing that poetry and cookbook :)

Buzz522

08-22-2005, 04:01 AM

I have applied for the substitute teaching job, but in MS there's some kind of program one has to take to qualify. I missed it in July, but there's another one in October and I'm signed up for it. Going for a master's in Edu has been kicked around, but I need income now! As far as the sustitute business goes, I don't think the school people were too impressed when they saw me shuffle in. Of course, they wouldn't say anything and maybe I'm being over sensitive, but it's just a feeling I got. The poetry is in the hands of an agent as we speak and the cookbook's first draft is almost ready. Just a bit of tweaking here and there. Then they say I need an illustrator and a photographer, blah, blah........ I don't have any experience in this stuff, but I'm working on it. Working on writing a children's book too...........
I'm busting my behind, but nothing that's generating any $$. The ???? book? Wonder if they have it at the library? I can't go asking my mom to spit out $50 for something we can't eat :oops:
Here's a poem I wrote when my Dad asked me what kind of man I was..........this was about the time I quit college the first time, about 33 years ago:

I am

a poor white post industrial border warrior
I will never quit and will die hard

my life is at once intense, boring
violent, temperate, creative
destructive, vital and irrelevant
and I am indestructible
competitive, cooperative
selfish and generous
my fate is determined by meticulous
planning and heedless happenstance
ingenious strategies
and wild swings of the pendulum
I flip for both sides of the coin
and get the edge
everyday I confront unlimited
contradictions with limited skills
I must succeed
for failure is unacceptable
I keep on each day expecting
victory in the face of insurmountable
problems and ever increasing humiliations
I accept pain, fear and
disappointment as due, but each time
I am beaten down
I get up and start over, reinforced
only by my intolerance
I do not quit, that's all I know

everything else
I work out daily.

......peace-

spshond

05-11-2007, 02:40 AM

Is it just me or would the Dads be much happier if we got some every day. My wife just started working again for the first time in 8 years. I stay at home with the kids. I want some of that nice butt every single day. She tells me that Iam a freak, I tell her that after dealing with kids all day, That is all that comforts me. I guess I need to turn to the ol bottle to comfort me.

jeffus

05-11-2007, 03:22 AM

thebaldguy

05-11-2007, 12:02 PM

Buzz Great poem, with an attitude like that things will work out for you!!!!!

As far as the fun time with the wife…. Do they have all have the same book to refer to. Reading all of the post half the time I have to see if you are talking about my wife, the other have well you guys are having fun ..
“Cosmopolitan 350 pages 349 pages why she should not f--k you 350 is the index!” I can’t rember who seid that

jim

05-11-2007, 02:28 PM

Another reason for her to say I don't after she says I do. (http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601101&sid=a0Z.8Z0510vQ&refer=japan)

Hockeyfan

05-11-2007, 03:30 PM

I need it more than once a week to maintain my manliness. We don't do it daily by any means. That would hurt the poor girl, but multiple times per week works for us (aside from that other week that creeps up now and again). Gotta keep that spark or things can go flat in the relationship. That monthly and yearly poor soul. Oh my. Go and get you some. This year has been our best year in quite a while. It's like we've went back to year 1 of our relationship. Sweet! For a while there she was preggo and recouping from being preggo. Can't blame her for that. Yikes.

Hockeyfan

05-11-2007, 03:32 PM

Another reason for her to say I don't after she says I do. (http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601101&sid=a0Z.8Z0510vQ&refer=japan)

No oral...I don't think so. She has life insurance. We can take that risk.

Bollux

05-11-2007, 04:01 PM

dont forget jeffus carries his ponies in that prada knock off. =p

DaddyO

05-11-2007, 04:51 PM

a decade of talking, trying and negotiating has helped my wife and I find what is more often than not, a mutally satisfying sex life. resentment or other emotional issues are always a big blocker to this - but we've found that sometimes more sex often tempers those issues too ('course we're both typcially on the horny side of the bell curve - maybe that helps).

this is what we do...

- talk, ad nauseum often about the same things (we even have shorthand/code for some of our baggage)
- argue and take cheap shots, sometimes this helps to get to the root of an issue (why argue about whether or not your a bum because you don't have an income and just discover that she really wants more family dinners after work because that's one of the few ways her mom showed love?)
- masturbate, both of you (if you haven't yet, install a detachable shower massager w/ multiple settings in the primary bathroom she uses - trust me)
- sex toys (unless you're saddled w/ serious emotional/resentment issues)
- discover the joys of shortcuts and asynchronous love
... tie one on together now and then to quickly shed those inhibitions and such
... take turns - satisfy her today, she'll take care of you in the morning
... don't hang obligatory sex onto the end of a nice/lengthy romantic evening
... touching each other when you AREN'T horny or frustrated is so nice and relaxing
... quickies (they sell lube in the same pump style bottles that hand soap is found in)
- when your either "ready" or mutally trapped in your relationship by circumstance start sharing all of your sexual fantasies w/ each other (caution: this can get scarey and threatening)

Since we're both horndogs we often engaged in routine daily sex (yawn) ... because we knew that each of us were randy and wanted to keep each other sated. Now, it's much better. We'll go a week or two w/out sometimes and then have a sex party, so to speak, that goes on for several days (begrudingly interspersed with the daily grind).

woodchuck

05-11-2007, 05:18 PM

Another reason for her to say I don't after she says I do. (http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601101&sid=a0Z.8Z0510vQ&refer=japan)

What percentage of the persons used for the study were adult entertainers of one sort or another, they would really skew the curve.

Or groupies.

tsquared

05-12-2007, 12:26 AM

Hey Buzz -

I've only skimmed parts of this thread (mostly because it made me lament that I wasn't getting some at the moment...) but I saw the part about your English background. Have you ever done business or technical writing? I am a self-employed writer (mostly business, technical, and web - but planning to transition toward more grant writing) and may have some suggestions.

I've found that publishing books is more about personal gratification than money making. You can self-publish at places like iUniverse by the way and market it yourself. It would be less hassle than getting a publisher, probably.

Anyway, I recommend finding ways to bill by the hour as a WAHD. PM me your e-mail address and I'll see if I can offer some useful insight. If you have a couple of writing samples, get those handy and send them to me. I might be able to suggest some things.

Keep in mind that if you get disability it can limit the income you can make before you lose benefits but I think that threshold is pretty high compared to where you are at now. :alright:

Things are a little chaotic around Mi Casa Loca, but I'll try to get back to you as quickly as I can.