Buzz522
07-24-2005, 03:07 AM
I was for nearly 16 years a Sales Manager/FinanceManager in the car business and for the last 4 years of my career a partner in a Toyota/Lexus/Land Cruiser dealership. I was pretty successful, averaged in the 6 figures a year. When my wife, a TV newsperson, got pregnant at 39 she was originally going to quit to be a Mom. But as the time got closer and closer she wanted more and more NOT to quit her job. She even talked me into letting her Mother move in with us to be a nanny to our baby. A month before the due date, my mother-in-law had a heart attack and died. That threw everything into a mess. Then when the big day did arrive, the baby was delivered by emergency C-section because Carleigh had kicked a hole in her mom's uterus. Carleigh weighed in just under 11 lbs and was 25-1/4" long. Both of them nearly died. Carleigh because she coughed before they were able to squeeze the water from her lungs and burst a bubble in there, had a pericardial sac around her heart, and a small hole in the left ventricle. Liz because she almost bled to death and had a terrible infection. They both did a week in ICU. Our insurance at the time was thru my work and was AFLAC. At the time AFLAC paid a flat $1200 for a C-section and didn't cover the newborn until she was 30 days old. With all the ICU and heart specialists and doctors and hospital bills for the both were near the $100K mark. It took every penny I had saved in my life and two years of payments to pay off the bills. When we did get home, LIz was bed-ridden and I took a leave to take care of her. Both of us had wanted a baby for a long time and had almost given up when she did get pregnant, so I was going to do anything to take care of them. I was the one doing everything---up with the baby, running for Liz......everything. After 6 weeks Liz was allowed to start back to work by her doc........and she wanted to go. She reckoned that I could sell my 20% interest in the car dealership, retire at 45 and put a big nest egg in the bank for us and since I was "really" good at taking care of the baby, and she earned nearly as much per month as I did, worked only 8 hours a day and insurance, 401K matching, and other benefits were company paid that that's what we should do. Me become Mr. Mom and she'd earn the money. Things were great for the first 6 years. I learned to have so very much respect for my own mother and all mothers in general, because this job is the hardest job I've ever done in my life............and no thanks, no respect, no pay, no sense of accomplishment because the mess you just cleaned up is a disaster area before you can even get the next mess cleaned up. When the family goes to the mountains for vacation, I'm not on vacation, my job merely moved to the mountains.........24/7/365, Mr Mom is always open. But the rewards of being that close to your child are enormous and I don't regret my choice at all. But, there is a page 2----------In 2003, my wife was fired, I tried to get a job in my old profession, but was treated pretty shabbily by the people I talked to, to them, I had simply quit and taken up a past time. Liz took a lesser job at a lesser station and a pay cut of nearly 35K. I took the CDL driver's test and the school bus driver's test and got a job driving a school bus to Carleigh's school. I was to start in two weeks when I was up on the roof cleaning out my gutters and fell shattering my fibula and cracking my tibia. Two orthopedists and an honest to God Bone Doc Specialist from the Cleveland Clinic, 10 months and 7 operations later I was feeling really good, walking with no pain. Liz in the meantime had taken a huge job with a huge paycheck in Atlanta, Ga. Her job started June 1, and since Carleigh didn't get out of school until June 3 and we had a house to sell and the last operation on my leg was scheduled for July 21...........Carleigh and I stayed in Ohio.
I almost forgot.......during the 10 months Liz was looking for a job and I was being operated on every three months, we were living on that nest egg I received when selling my interest. Do you know what happens to half a million dollars after you withdraw it from the long term IRA's and CD's and have a Market Portfolio that includes Enron and Worldcom? Well, the government takes nearly 42%, the IRA's hit you with 10% penalties, the CD's, another 10%, leaving Enron and Worldcom to divide up the rest of the 67% it cost me to take it out. but that still left $200k or so.....then 10 months of car notes, mortgage payments and the downpayment on the Ohio house took the rest.
Okay back to Ohio................the last surgery to remove some pins and insert some permenant screws was scheduled for July 21. That done, on August 1, Carleigh and I drove down to Atlanta to look for a house with Liz. We found exactly what we wanted and C and I were really looking forward to joining Mom in Atlanta. When I got back from Atlanta my ankle had swollen to twice it's size and burst all the stitches. When I went back to the bonedoc, he opened it up, cleaned it out and gave me some antibiotics for the infection. Said not to worry, just come back and see him in two weeks. I called him 10 days later because it had swollen up again--blah, blah---------anyway the infection turned out to be a staph which had eaten it's way into my bone and was holed up there. More surgery and a PICC line installed so I could inject myself 4 times a day for the next 8 weeks. Our house on Lake Erie hadn't sold and school was starting so I put Carls in school and we made plans to meet up with Mommie in January. I had two more surgeries, one in October and a "final" one in November exactly one year to the day from the accident. At my best I was on crutches, but mostly I was on the couch with my leg up in the air. Liz came home for Christmas with a new hair-do about 10 pounds lighter in the butt than she had been in 15 years and sporting a new belly button ring. The holidays were fine, but I should have seen the red flags waving. But after 18 years of marriage, I guess my eyes were a bit closed. The "final" surgery didn't work because of a piece of broken screw that was embedded in my leg bone from one of the previous surgeries, and after I quit the antibiotics, a week later it was all swollen up again. One more surgery in March, but by that time the Osteomylitis (sp) had eaten it's way through the bone in my ankle so badly that I may never walk again without a cane. But the bad news came June the 19th.
Page#3
Carleigh and I had enough of 800 miles distance between Mommie and us. Liz came to pick up Carleigh and load her clothes and stuff up for the trip. I had a round of doctor appointments on the next Tuesday and was going to load my truck with some stuff, load up a U-haul with some other stuff Liz wanted me to bring and follow them after the doctors released me. After the appointments, I loaded my truck and called LIz to tell her I would see her and Carleigh the next day sometime. That's when she told me not to bother, she'd changed a lot over the last year in Atlanta on her own and no longer wanted to be married to me. I asked her what she was going to do with Carleigh, the baby I'd raised almost single-handedly since she was an infant.....she told me she was visiting some relatives and that once the divorce was settled I was welcome to come and visit any time I wanted. Fellow Dads, my money in savings from the sale of my partnership was gone with the downpayment on the house in Ohio, which by the way, was in her name only. She had cleaned out the checking account, cancelled all the joint credit cards, and put the 401k money into an account in her name only...even my Jeep is in her name. I got a call from my daughter about a week later. She told me she was at her Grandpa's house in Massachusetts, started crying and asked me to come get her. I called some attorney in Mass, one in Ohio and one in Miss where my Mom lives. All three told me the same thing, "Go Get Her". I then called the Boston police and told them what I had in mind and they said they could do nothing to help me nor hinder me from taking my own child from her grandparents. I drove for four solid days spending one night in Nashville, but I got her back. We ended up in Mississippi at my Mom's house.................so, here I am, almost 54 years old, crippled, no money, no job, no prospects and living with my 85 year old Mother for the first time since I left for college. But I do have my Carleigh, who is on the floor now at my feet playing PS2, the border collie, the cat and two hammsters. A grown man who hasn't shed a tear in probably a quarter century or more, breaking down llike a single barrel shotgun everytime one of my old friends who never left home or came back to live after school comes by to tell me how "SORRY" they feel for me.
My wife has taken a job in Miami at even a bigger market with even a larger paycheck and will soon be swooping down to buy my kid from me. I mean the only money I have is from some old savings bonds my Dad bought me as a kid and had I cashed them out in the 90's would have been worth something more than face value, this $500 is all I have. And I'm sure in the eyes of an 8 year old it is going to be glorius living on the beach in South Florida with a Mom who never says no, even if she does have to stay with a nanny rather than with a Dad who is gonna put her in Catholic school and tell her no more times than yes...........I'm gonna lose.
I don't know what to do, guys. I'm looking for help. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated, any strategies on how to keep my kid are welcome. Even my longtime friend and corporate attorney has no idea. He thinks the judge might just award her custody because she can provide a more affluent life than me. I am F'd. And dying inside.................please help.
I almost forgot.......during the 10 months Liz was looking for a job and I was being operated on every three months, we were living on that nest egg I received when selling my interest. Do you know what happens to half a million dollars after you withdraw it from the long term IRA's and CD's and have a Market Portfolio that includes Enron and Worldcom? Well, the government takes nearly 42%, the IRA's hit you with 10% penalties, the CD's, another 10%, leaving Enron and Worldcom to divide up the rest of the 67% it cost me to take it out. but that still left $200k or so.....then 10 months of car notes, mortgage payments and the downpayment on the Ohio house took the rest.
Okay back to Ohio................the last surgery to remove some pins and insert some permenant screws was scheduled for July 21. That done, on August 1, Carleigh and I drove down to Atlanta to look for a house with Liz. We found exactly what we wanted and C and I were really looking forward to joining Mom in Atlanta. When I got back from Atlanta my ankle had swollen to twice it's size and burst all the stitches. When I went back to the bonedoc, he opened it up, cleaned it out and gave me some antibiotics for the infection. Said not to worry, just come back and see him in two weeks. I called him 10 days later because it had swollen up again--blah, blah---------anyway the infection turned out to be a staph which had eaten it's way into my bone and was holed up there. More surgery and a PICC line installed so I could inject myself 4 times a day for the next 8 weeks. Our house on Lake Erie hadn't sold and school was starting so I put Carls in school and we made plans to meet up with Mommie in January. I had two more surgeries, one in October and a "final" one in November exactly one year to the day from the accident. At my best I was on crutches, but mostly I was on the couch with my leg up in the air. Liz came home for Christmas with a new hair-do about 10 pounds lighter in the butt than she had been in 15 years and sporting a new belly button ring. The holidays were fine, but I should have seen the red flags waving. But after 18 years of marriage, I guess my eyes were a bit closed. The "final" surgery didn't work because of a piece of broken screw that was embedded in my leg bone from one of the previous surgeries, and after I quit the antibiotics, a week later it was all swollen up again. One more surgery in March, but by that time the Osteomylitis (sp) had eaten it's way through the bone in my ankle so badly that I may never walk again without a cane. But the bad news came June the 19th.
Page#3
Carleigh and I had enough of 800 miles distance between Mommie and us. Liz came to pick up Carleigh and load her clothes and stuff up for the trip. I had a round of doctor appointments on the next Tuesday and was going to load my truck with some stuff, load up a U-haul with some other stuff Liz wanted me to bring and follow them after the doctors released me. After the appointments, I loaded my truck and called LIz to tell her I would see her and Carleigh the next day sometime. That's when she told me not to bother, she'd changed a lot over the last year in Atlanta on her own and no longer wanted to be married to me. I asked her what she was going to do with Carleigh, the baby I'd raised almost single-handedly since she was an infant.....she told me she was visiting some relatives and that once the divorce was settled I was welcome to come and visit any time I wanted. Fellow Dads, my money in savings from the sale of my partnership was gone with the downpayment on the house in Ohio, which by the way, was in her name only. She had cleaned out the checking account, cancelled all the joint credit cards, and put the 401k money into an account in her name only...even my Jeep is in her name. I got a call from my daughter about a week later. She told me she was at her Grandpa's house in Massachusetts, started crying and asked me to come get her. I called some attorney in Mass, one in Ohio and one in Miss where my Mom lives. All three told me the same thing, "Go Get Her". I then called the Boston police and told them what I had in mind and they said they could do nothing to help me nor hinder me from taking my own child from her grandparents. I drove for four solid days spending one night in Nashville, but I got her back. We ended up in Mississippi at my Mom's house.................so, here I am, almost 54 years old, crippled, no money, no job, no prospects and living with my 85 year old Mother for the first time since I left for college. But I do have my Carleigh, who is on the floor now at my feet playing PS2, the border collie, the cat and two hammsters. A grown man who hasn't shed a tear in probably a quarter century or more, breaking down llike a single barrel shotgun everytime one of my old friends who never left home or came back to live after school comes by to tell me how "SORRY" they feel for me.
My wife has taken a job in Miami at even a bigger market with even a larger paycheck and will soon be swooping down to buy my kid from me. I mean the only money I have is from some old savings bonds my Dad bought me as a kid and had I cashed them out in the 90's would have been worth something more than face value, this $500 is all I have. And I'm sure in the eyes of an 8 year old it is going to be glorius living on the beach in South Florida with a Mom who never says no, even if she does have to stay with a nanny rather than with a Dad who is gonna put her in Catholic school and tell her no more times than yes...........I'm gonna lose.
I don't know what to do, guys. I'm looking for help. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated, any strategies on how to keep my kid are welcome. Even my longtime friend and corporate attorney has no idea. He thinks the judge might just award her custody because she can provide a more affluent life than me. I am F'd. And dying inside.................please help.