PDA

View Full Version : Rant: family, travel, money and time


SideShowCecil
08-12-2005, 04:39 PM
All this thought about travel has provoked the following rant:

This spring we did a two week tour through Atlantic Canada and Eastern Ontario to visit family. The total cost was somewhere around six or seven thousand dollars. Three flights, the train, four rental cars, hotels, meals; it all adds up quick. This represented our recreation and entertainment budget for more than a year, not to mention using up a huge chunk of my wife’s vacation time.

We felt it was important for William to meat his surviving Great Grandparents. We had travelled to Northern Ontario the previous September to visit my Grandparents. This spring it was my wife’s Grandmother in New Brunswick. Each trip culminated with a week in Ottawa visiting our immediate families; and this is where we’re developing a problem.

We both have family around Ottawa. My Mother lives an hour west of the city, my wife’s parents an hour east of the city and my wife’s sister an hour south of the city.

My wife’s parents get a little childish about how we divide our time among the families. If they feel they’re getting short changed (which is usually anything short of 100% of our time) the wailing and the guilt begins. Yet, while we’re there they seem generally indifferent to our presence. Ultimately the effort to keep her parents happy compromises the rest of the trip. We don’t get to visit our friends or get out and enjoy the city we grew up in.

With William turning two in March our travel costs will be increasing since he no longer flies for free. We’re just not interested spending all our money and vacation time just to listen to her mother gossip about her sisters and get scolded for arriving at the supper table 30 seconds late. We would really like to take a family vacation, just us, just our own agenda and not have to appease a dozen other people. Does this sound horribly selfish?

We’re seriously considering simply not traveling east anymore. Instead we’d have a large guest suite with a private bath and laundry built in the basement. The cost would be a little more than one two week trip home. Our families could visit whenever they want for as long as they want and every one has their own space. Even if we have to help them out with travel costs it’s still cheaper and easier for us in the long run. We’d also be prepared to take in one of our parents should the need arise.

We’ll be sitting on this idea, discussing it off and on for the next year or two; though over the last three months neither one of has changed our opinions. We’ve already told our families we’ll not be traveling east for at least three years. If they want to see their grandson in that time they’ll have to come here.

Jackson's Dad
08-12-2005, 07:30 PM
My wife’s parents get a little childish about how we divide our time among the families.

Tough for them! A friend has this exact problem, and it's sad to see how her parents are clueless about how bad they are making her feel. The only answer is tough love -- if they feel short-changed, too bad.

We would really like to take a family vacation, just us, just our own agenda and not have to appease a dozen other people. Does this sound horribly selfish?

Do it! Selfish? No way! You have a family now, and your family (your immediate family of the three of you) is you first and primary concern. Next comes the rest of them. You guys need vacation time, just the three of you. I think the guest room is a great idea - if her parent's feel so "short-changed" then they can fly out whenever they feel like it.

(But don't get bribed into always helping them pay for the trip. Did they help when you flew out to see them?)

Dan

Weston
08-12-2005, 07:30 PM
=D>

I would probably do the same

tt3
08-12-2005, 08:54 PM
We used to be the ones who did the travelling since we didn't have kids, once Tara came we still did a lot, but now its just not going to happen as often. Lots of driving! :P
I feel for ya, do what you got to do.
(Enticed my folks up at the end of the month by offering my dad Willie Nelson tix. :lol: )

mrandjr
08-16-2005, 03:49 AM
Its funny to here you guys talk about this.

Our parents all live within 2 hours of us.....We still here the same issues. :lol:

Her mom complains she doesn't see him enough. I just don't worry about it anymore. We try to get together with everyone as often as possible. We offer to drive up for the day and invite people down almost every weekend.

At 2 hours away why doesn't she see her grandson more? She doesn't like to drive after dark. Therefore, if she comes our direction she stays at least one night. She is 2 freaking hours away!

So instead of getting together for a day we have to plan a weekend vacation for her mother to come down and see her grandson.

I hope I don't go nuts when I turn 50.

floridamcmarion1
08-17-2005, 12:57 AM
We would really like to take a family vacation, just us, just our own agenda and not have to appease a dozen other people. Does this sound horribly selfish?

When you ask yourself how selfish you are being by taking your own private family vacation, you need to also ask yourself when the last time was that each of your sets of family spent their vacation time and money coming to visit you.

Before we had kids we always went to visit family on vacation. If we went somewhere alone it was always just for a weekend. Once kids started being a factor, we have only gone to see family once. The time we did go we took 2 boys (ages 3 and eight) from Florida to Oregon. That went pretty good, but now that we have the baby I won't go on a plane for a while with the whole family. My family is all in Oregon, while my wife's family is in New York and the Florida Panhandle (though in the same state, it's actually about an 8 hour to 10 hour drive depending on how you drive). Our family all knows that if you want to see us, our door is always open. My mom comes about twice a year for a month at a time, while my mother-in-law comes about once for around a week. My sister-in-law in New York has not met any of our children.

My thought at this point is to do a family visitation vacation ever 3 or 4 years, while doing our own private vacation the rest of the time. I would much rather do vacations for us than for other people. While I do enjoy seeing my family, I also remember that planes fly both directions. Our mothers also have more time and can travel much easier than we can.

Marion

SideShowCecil
08-17-2005, 02:34 PM
When you ask yourself how selfish you are being by taking your own private family vacation, you need to also ask yourself when the last time was that each of your sets of family spent their vacation time and money coming to visit you.

My mom comes out for two weeks every March. That’s William’s birthday and flights are a little cheaper that time of year.

My in-laws have only visited once since William was born. They recently bought themselves a twenty-four foot camper trailer. Since the drive from Ottawa to Calgary is eight days round trip. My dad-in-law doesn’t have enough vacation time for the road trip.

Unbeknown to me my wife laid down the law with her parents over the phone this weekend. She told them they’ll have to come here to see their grandson from now on. They seemed OK with it at the time. We’ll see how that goes over the next twelve months.

I’m sure we’ll head back to Ottawa eventually. It is a beautiful city and we really enjoyed living there. We’re just wondering if we could go back for a vacation without telling our parents we’re going.

floridamcmarion1
08-17-2005, 02:45 PM
Since the drive from Ottawa to Calgary is eight days round trip. My dad-in-law doesn’t have enough vacation time for the road trip.

I’m sure we’ll head back to Ottawa eventually. It is a beautiful city and we really enjoyed living there. We’re just wondering if we could go back for a vacation without telling our parents we’re going.

Maybe you need to do the same thing we do. It's a similar distance for us to go from Florida to Oregon. What we did last time, and will now do every time, is to take 2 weeks. The first three nights we spent on the coast meeting up with some friends from Seattle. Then we went to my mom's place. We left 2 nights before we flew out to spend some time in Portland before returning home. Basically, you do two vacations that way. You get your time alone with your family that you live with, but then you also have enough time to visit with mom and such. Your parents can have a choice........embrace this idea or just deal with not having you come see them at all on your vacation. My mother thinks it's great.

Marion