Hard On...

[Sonnie Bee]

i knew the subject would catch your attention! hehe :shock:

but seriously, i could really use some advice. my 4 yo son is such a good boy, very loving, sensitive, smart, and very funny. but he tends to be fairly aggressive, lazy, hot tempered, and even mean spirited sometimes. it's not often at all, but it's there. many folks say, "it's normal. he's a 4 yo boy."

my problem is that i think i come down too hard on him. i often jump on him for even the smallest infractions, sending him to sit for a minute or two, sending him to his room, or even removing toys or items of affection (blanket, stuffed animal) to be returned later.

i think i demand too much from him and often forget that he is in fact, just a 4 yo kid.

i don't spank or anything like that, but i guess i lean toward being an authortarian parent, which is something i haven't been until about a year ago. since then, i've been getting less patient with every passing day.

i don't want my son to grow up being frustrated or angry and i feel i am sometimes pushing him down that road... but at the same time, he needs to know the rules and he just doesn't listen!

anyhow... i didn't mean to go on. any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. peace!

[dad2jeff]

are you talking about your son or mine. i also have a four year old and he does most of what you are saying i think it could be they are just finding out who they are. he can sure push my buttons sometimes. but i have tried to reason with him as well as timeouts. he does get the standing three count. buy that i mean if he does not stop misbehaving i count ONE, TWO, most of the time he quits, stomps off to his room. thus no time out by me. he still may be mad but there is no confrontation. if i do end up sending him to his room or taking him there. he gets to think about why and sometimes we talk about it. but i mostly think its just being four. :roll:

[Don-Dad]

Well, it's not just 4, my son, 5.5 years is the demon child :twisted: I'm not sure what to do with him on some days :(

[DarthDaddy]

Has my son come over and visited???

He know JUST HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS!!!!!

From what I have seen and heard from other parents it is typical for a 4-5 year old to be this way. Trying to find their limitations... Also looking for a little extra attention... All be it NEGATIVE attention.

Darth-Daddy

[go-ask-your-father]

My son is 3 and had been very similar in demeanor up until a few months ago. Why the sudden change?

My wife and I made a conscious effort to give ourselves a few moments before we reacted. We stayed calm, talked to him in a calm tone, whether we ended up givin a time-out (on the naughty step...learned that from Nanny 9-1-1... can't believe how well it works, and so much better than to his room) or not.

End result, very quickly he became less aggressive, more polite etc... within a week I'd say.

[Sonnie Bee]

you all have no idea how refreshing it is to hear you say this. i know that it's the age and it's a constant "testing period," but i cannot escape the feeling that i am being too hard on him.

the other night, he woke up around midnight. i was up and went in his room to comfort him. he'd had a bad dream. i laid with him and we spooned and snuggled and talked about the sounds outside his window (crickets, the wind, etc). there was nothing but pure joy and peace between us as we both fell asleep.

it's moments like that which make my eyes well up and reflect on how tough i can be on him sometimes. and how i wish - i wish - i had just a few ounces more patience.

i'm trying really hard, but as you can all attest to, it's just so freaking hard so often.

i won't even bring my 3 yo daughter into the conversation! yipes!! hehe
thanks for the support, guys... i hope you know how much it means! peace!

[tt3]

I don't know how well it'll help, but when Tara is being particularly willful (maddening) and I can feel myself starting to boil, we both take a deep breath. She usually giggles afterwards. "deep breath, daddy" Kind of breaks up the momentum, you know?

[Jackson's Dad]

I'm not there yet, so take this with a grain of salt. But one thing to keep in mind is to make sure you don't get mad. When he misbehaves, and he will, don't lose your temper. Just do what needs to be done, but calmly and rationally. Remind yourself that misbehavior is the norm, and shouldn't suprise you. When you get angry, they sense that you've lost control, and that means you lose your credibility.

[Don-Dad]

Dan that is good advice but man, when the battle seems constant, it is soooo hard to keep a level head. I want this, that, no I won't go to my room or the corner, no,no, no, blah, blah, blah.

I am trying my best but this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. Throw the youngest one in the mix and some days it sounds like WWIII in here. I just totall stripped the oldest of all toys from his room, left just the books, crayons, paper, bed and desk. And he has to earn back the toys.

Send reinforcements! :shock:

[floridamcmarion1]

[quote="Don-Dad"]I just totally stripped the oldest of all toys from his room, left just the books, crayons, paper, bed and desk. And he has to earn back the toys. [quote]

Don, I have done the same thing to my oldest son. He was 9 when I did it. He was refusing to clean his room. This battle went on for a while with him just refusing to clean it and me getting madder every day. Then one day he came home from school to find the only things still in his room were his bed and his clothes. He had to earn back every single thing I had taken. He has been much better about cleaning ever since. To this day I can see the look on his face when he went in his room :twisted:

I have had the same behavior issues mentioned in this thread with my 4 year old (he'll be 5 saturday). He can be the most loving little man, and then he can be :axe:
He can be so frustrating sometimes. He will purposefully tell you a lie with a big smile on his face with the intent to just make you mad. When we adopted him from foster care he had to have a psych evaluation. He was diagnosed with possible sensory integration disorder and possible oppositional defiance disorder. Just how bad does a 4 year old have to act in a psych eval to be dianosed ODD? After all, much of that is just typical behavior for that age.

[Jackson's Dad]

Dan that is good advice but man, when the battle seems constant, it is soooo hard to keep a level head.

I believe you. (Like I said, I don't know what I'm talking about.) We are only getting hints of his future self, but hooo boy, its gonna be a "fun" ride.