Why doesn't he like the crib! =(

[Bollux]

Well I guess I can start by saying I have a 16 month old son who at this moment is screaming cause he is in the crib for sleep. He has spent the better part of the last 16 months in the bed with my girlfriend and I. She brought him into the bed to allow for ease of feeding him in the middle of the night but now that he has been off breastfeeding he has grown attached to sleeping in the bed and not his crib. (We have a small 1 bedroom and his crib is in our room, just to clear things up a bit.)

He will cry for hours if left in there to his own vices without passing out. The moment you take him out and lay with him in bed he goes right to bed. Normally for his naps I try to get him to go in the crib or to pass out in bed and be transfered to crib. When night comes and it is time for bed he puts up the biggest crying fit to not be in the crib.

We were told by the pediatrician that we should just let him cry it out and he will eventually fall asleep. But he will cry for two hours at times. She says that it might be two hours one night and and hour and a half the next and so on, but that "theory" has not proven to work here. To sit there and listen to him cry for 2 hours is, as anyone knows, a bit heartbreaking cause he is crying due to a lack of either one of us there. I would crawl into the crib to sleep there but I am sure I would exceed the maximum weight limit. :wink:

Any thoughts you all might have of ways to get him to like being in the crib or get used to being in the crib? Any ideas, thoughts or experiences y'all have would be appreciated.

[Bollux]

First, I appologize for posting on a topic thats been posted about a million times before. I only noticed AFTER I hit sumbit. Go figure. Secondly, I did some whole looking into the "ferber" approach (as I had no clue what ferberization was) and apparently its a huge debate on whether it's a good method or bad. I have read arguements on both sides of the fence and none seem to have any solid proof to sway either way. True it depends cause we are not dealing with something that has set rules and children are anything but predictable and so on, but in my case it doesn't seem to work. I forwarded my girlfriend an article and she sent me back an instant messanger saying this:

"we are the only species that places infants in an entirely different room (if possible) while all other animals keep em close"

Which of course makes you go hmmmm. There are no mammals that come to mind that readily pushes their child away into a seperate room than man. True the "family bed" offers some issues when you want some good sleep (my son curls up next to you and "gropes" ya slipping his hand through our sleeves and all..warmth maybe??) or to be intimate.

So in my mind does the "ferber method" really bring about the independance it claims to be giving? Or meerly bring about the realization to a child to "deal with it"?

[Indy]

"we are the only species that places infants in an entirely different room (if possible) while all other animals keep em close"

But there are other species who push their young out of nests at great heights, and still others that never even see their young--leaving them to the world from moment one. Going by her logic, a case could be made for putting your child in a dangerous situation or abandoning them at birth. We'd also be eating our meat raw and drinking from dirty mud puddles.

Other species do this out of necessity, not necessarily by choice. They do it because of a need for warmth and/or security. As the "superior" species, we have locks and central heating that address those needs.

I'm not saying that cosleeping is right or wrong. As we've agreed time and again, every child's different. Some will do just fine with cosleeping and will handle the transition well. Others will fight the transition.

As I write this, my wife and one week old daughter are sleeping in our bed. The child woke up to feed about every other hour. Around 5, my wife finally decided to bring the child into bed with us. That was fine by me. However, we still encourage the child to use her crib as much as possible. She'll stay in our room until about six months, then she'll share a room with her sister.

[Patrickz]

"we are the only species that places infants in an entirely different room (if possible) while all other animals keep em close"

That is a funny thing. We love to shuttle our kids into the other room. The question is why do we do it. For my wife and I we could not come up with a reason other then for our own needs. Yes it is important to get a good night rest and at first co-sleeping does not give that. but shortly you all fall into place and all get a good nights rest and a feeling of being safe and secure. We think that if a child protests being in a crib and continualy wants to come and sleep with their parents then let them. The child does eventally out grow of the co-sleeping thing as I have seen with my wifes family. In this country co-sleeping is almost a taboo topic and it is really silly and that goes along with breast feeding in public but thats another issue. My advise is let them sleep their and so what what others may think. Nobody in this fourm will shun you for it as I am an out of the closet co-sleeper and I still have friends. :lol:

For all you none co-sleeper dads don't be offended as this works for our family and we are not the norm I admit. But I do think alot of you are still in the closet on this issue. :oops:

[Weston]

Our species does a lot of things that other species don't do... so I'm not so sure that this is a point that by itself should sway someone one way or another on the co-sleeping issue.

I think if it works for an individual family, then great. But if it causes tensions or problems in another family, then its probably a good idea to try something different.

[Bollux]

Norm, whats that? I think its abnormal to be "normal" as no one even knows what normal is any more. Normal used to be "Leave It To Beaver" and now look at us crime shows out the nose reality tv until we cant stand it. Though I cannot complain Thursday Night Survivor and CSI works for me. lol

I agree whatever works for each individual family, works. He spends some time in the crib some time in the bed, so it's a healthy mix. She complains the most as he cuddles up to her 90% of the time and she says she can't get a good night sleep. She gets atleast 8 hours sleep, me I am lucky if I have seen 8 hours sleep more then a handful of times in the past 16 months.

[Greenskeeper]

If you think the crib is bad wait till you need to move to the toddler bed!! ](*,)

[young-blalock]

[quote]"But I do think alot of you are still in the closet on this issue. :oops:"

I don't think there's any reason to be embarrassed by co-sleeping. There's nothing wrong with a parent and child wanting to be close to one another at night. I'm considering it as an alternate option, instead of ferberizing, to get my son sleep better at night.

[Jackson's Dad]

Another thing humans do: speech, higher thought, etc. :wink: It bugs me when people try to argue for one parenting method my denegrating another. If you want to cosleep, then more power to you. If you want to ferberize, then great. Different methods are there because every kid is different, every set of parents is different, and every situation is different. You just have to find what works for you guys.

Looks to me like you have a couple challenges. First, he's used to sleeping in your bed -- it has become a habit he needs. It is much much harder to ferberize after 8 months or so. So you won't be able to just ferberize him, you'll need to ween him off that habit. (My sister went through that. Her first child co-slept just fine, but when child number 2 came along, she ran into a problem. Child 1 didn't want to leave the bed, but there was no room for her. It took maybe a year of hard work to get it all worked out.)

Second, since you live in an apartment, space is tight. Since the crib is in the same room as your bed, and he's used to being with you, he sees you right there, a few feet away. Even if you aren't in the room, he sees the bed, the thing he's used to having to sleep right there.

So you have some work ahead of you!

My suggestion: if you are thinking of ferberizing, get the book by Dr. Ferber. Get another book by Dr. Weissbluth (Heathly Sleep Habits) who compares all sorts of sleep methods relatively scientifically, and discusses special sleep problems). Read them all the way through, both of you. Compare notes. Discuss what works for you and what doesn't. Role play, and try to anticipate problems and decide beforehand how you'll deal with them (VERY important). Only then should you try something.

[Bollux]

I am in no way putting one method down as opposed to another. I meerly stated that it all depends on the family, the child and so on. Somedays he passes out in the crib after 30 minutes other days he doesnt pass out and screams for two hours. I was just getting ideas and other peoples experiences in this matter to see how you all dealt with it. As for humans and speech, I am sure many marine biologists as well as other zoologists would beg to differ as all species have their own language in which they converse. As for higher thought, yes that is strictly to man.. you don't see primates sitting around discussing the atomic weight of cobalt..but then again maybe they are and we just don't understand them. :wink:

[homemongo]

Norm, whats that? I think its abnormal to be "normal" as no one even knows what normal is any more.

What's normal? That's easy. It's a setting on the dishwasher.

But seriously, there's advice and arguments that go back and forth and forevery family that you can find where "A" works, I can show you one where it failed spectacularly.

It all comes down to what works for YOU. Experts be damned.

[Jackson's Dad]

I am in no way putting one method down as opposed to another. I meerly stated that it all depends on the family, the child and so on.

Oh, sorry, didn't mean to imply you or anyone else here was doing that. I was just venting in general.


you don't see primates sitting around discussing the atomic weight of cobalt..but then again maybe they are and we just don't understand them. :wink:

According to Douglas Adams, it's the dolphin. Great opening scene in the Hitchhiker's movie. :)

[jeffus]

I beg to differ - it was the mice! (Remember, they paid for the planet!)

[Patrickz]

I have to clarify and don't think that I told everyone in prvious posts. But we live in a two bed room condo and the reality is that the other room is our office/den/everthing else room so our bed room os the safest and only room for him. We co-sleep out of nesesity as well as cultral backgrounds.

For the record my wife told me the other day that she didn't leave her parents room untill she was 11 or so. :shock: I tell you what fellas the Philapinos are cuddly folks. :roll:

[Bollux]

I don't mind my son in bed. I find a certain satisfaction when I put him down to nap and can watch him as he sleeps, it just makes me smile. Living in a really small apartment makes it tough to give him space to himself and yes if he is in the crib and I am in bed I think it is that much worse cause he can see where he wants to be. My girlfriend complains that he is always curling up to her, but thats mom why wouldn't he want to curl next to her in bed. She sometimes rolls over and gives him her back and I get sad cause he just wants to be close and seems as if she is pushing him away. But then I pull him close and fall back to sleep.