Discipline

[Hugo Boss]

I decided to go to IKEA yesterday with my son and make it a morning outing. Not sure what happened but he was in absolute meltdown mode about 20 minutes after we got there. He was crying, and very cranky. To top it off he pulled a major temper tantrum at the cash which took forever to get through. He's usually so good. It was very frustrating and embarrassing. I was so close to spanking him but thought this would only make the situation only worse. How do you normally handle this type of behavior in public with your kids?

[Don-Dad]

Tough topic. I spank my 4.5 year every once in a while but never in public. Usually only after trying every other means of discipline. My mom used to spank us all the time and I think it really is not helpful but sometimes a good occasional spanking is th only thing that really gets his attention.

On the cranky days sometimes its good just to cut your losses and head out why your child is in crank mode. If he's really bad I just let him whine in the aisle and say "good bye, daddy is going home." and start walking away. As soon as I get far enough away or round the corner (I always stop and peak) he always somes runnning, sometimes screaming "Wait!" but then its straight to the van and off to home.

Every child reacts differently so it might just be a case of trial and error til you find something to ease those situations.

[tt3]

I've got little tolerance for melt downs in public, either from my own kid or others. I have less tolerance when I see a parent cave and get a treat or something to shut the kid up. That just rewards the behavior and makes it all the harder to extinguish.
No matter where I am I am always ready to just leave. Regardless of how full my cart is or how much money I just spent on admission... we go. If she doesn't cool down in the car, we go home.
My wife doesn't always agree on my actions, but hey, no one is going to enjoy the time with a screaming toddler.
Its easy to say plan around the moods, like don't go somewhere when they are tired, but its those freak "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" days that really throw you!
...I've got a lot of, well, strong opinions on discipline vs. punishment, time and place stuff, but I'll try and keep 'em until Tara's gotten a little older to see if it works :roll: She's just rolling up to two years and its getting interesting. So far we're doing well though...
I wish you luck Hugo, I don't know about you but there's always that little guy in the back of my head whispering doubts when I'm out with Tara and she's melting ...

[dad of 2]

Tony you are dead on,
I am ready to go at any point. I will take Alex out to the car. If he continues we go home. Thankfully he is a little angel 99.9% of the time and doesnt act up.

I have the most problems when in a store without grocery carts. He runs all over the place so I have to hold his hand. When he sees something interesting he trys to get free and run amuk and touch it. I would never take him to the macy's china department!

[tt3]

Yeah, Tara's a little grabber... Our local grocery store has some kiddy carts, toddler size, I just put her in the big ones, or the car one. My wife thought it would be fun to let Tara use one of the kiddy carts when we went shopping, I said ok, but you'll chase her! Oh my, I haven't laughed that hard in a REALLY long time, people must have thought I was drunk!
(I wasn't, by the way)
aaaaah well. :lol:

[SAHF]

Hugo Boss....

Dead on....leave no matter what is in the cart. You can always go back after mom gets home and the little one is in bed. The :oops: part is the worse but you have to deal with it.

My son (7) usually gets the ear turn and a nice talking in the same ear as well. My little girl (2)...too young for that kind of stuff, but leaving her in the isle works great.

Just watch the faces as you are leaving...the other people look freaked. :P

[tt3]

...

My son (7) usually gets the ear turn and a nice talking in the same ear as well.


That ear turnin' does it work as well as its portrayed on the TV?!? Serious, I've never had it um... applied, but I always wondered. I understand its an attention getter

Just watch the faces as you are leaving...the other people look freaked. :P
Yeah, thats where its tough, and where a sense of humor comes in, I think.

[SAHF]

...

My son (7) usually gets the ear turn and a nice talking in the same ear as well.


That ear turnin' does it work as well as its portrayed on the TV?!? Serious, I've never had it um... applied, but I always wondered. I understand its an attention getter

Just watch the faces as you are leaving...the other people look freaked. :P
Yeah, thats where its tough, and where a sense of humor comes in, I think.

The ear turning is a great attention getter...my dad used it on me and boy...did I learn quick when to act up and when not to. My son has learned quick that now, all I have to do is give him a "look" and he stops.

The walking away part is a little harder. Seeing you little one cry and all, but the by standers (the ones with Kids) always smile. The ones without just give you a look like :shock:

[SAHF]

Does anyone use the "time out" for a form of disipline? And if so...does it work for you? Why?

3 part question... :)

[dad of 2]

I use time out.
It does work.
He stops what he is doing that is not right, right there because I physically move him away. I always make sure he knows what he got in trouble for when I put him in. Before I get him out I say "why did you get time out?" and then he says what it was that got him the time out and then I repeat what it was that got him in it so that it reinforces what he is doing wrong to correct it. There was a week or so when he liked getting time outs because I put him in his crib and he bounced around in it like he was having fun. He now knows that it isnt fun and it works because his behavior changes when I get him out.

[Kritter]

We had A discipline system that worked well with some of our children. Its like the old gold star for good behavior system. But then we have a child with ADD and it doesnt work well with her. Frustrated, we read every book and took every parenting class we could find. Nothing helped. Then we took a class offered by the school called The Parent Project jr. (http://www.parentproject.com/lovingsolutions.html) Now I know this sounds cliche but it changed our lives. Its mainly for "strong willed" children ages 5-10 but it can be adapted for younger children and those who are not so strong willed.
Its a very good system and is very flexable to your own personal beliefs. For example we do believe in spanking for specific situations, and the plan makes room for that sort of thing. It teaches you all sorts of new tools you can use to discipline your children our favorate new tool was the "TEASPOT" which stands for Take Everything Away for a Short Period Of Time. Its kind of a mixture of grounding and time out but it really worked well with our children. The whole system worked well with our ADD child and made disciplining our other children even easier. Like I said, I think it can be adapted to suit younger children so it might be worth checking out.

As for spanking, yes we do it, and yes It works for us. We only spank for three reasons
1.Doing something that will hurt yourself. IE playing in the road or with knives or something.
2.Doing something to hurt someone else. IE hitting pulling hair.
3.Sevierly out of control behavior and noncompliance. This is just an attention getter when NOTHING else will work.
One of the reasons I think this works for us is because its a very well defined line the children know not to cross. They know exactly what behavior will get them a spanking and they know they will get it. This is our "zero tollerance" punishment. There is no "do it again and I'll.... or If you dont stop i'll..."
The one thing, in my opinion, that is most important in disciplining your children is always do what you say you are going to do. Nevery make any empty threats. If you say "thats it one more time and you go in time out" then do it, dont let them get by with you telling them "watch out" or "Im about to do it" while they break the rule a few more times.

[mjknapp]

I spank when I think she is acting totally out of control, or doing something that I have told her repeatedly not to do. He is to young to be spanked yet, but when he is older I will apply the same tactics onhim. I really dont have to spank to often, as the power in my voice usually gets the response that I want. That deep not real loud, but demanding call to attention.

[tt3]

... That deep not real loud, but demanding call to attention.

I call that my dog voice... the one used when I was still training dogs, digs into thier head and lets them know "this is it"
:lol:

[G1cajun]

I first warn my son (6) that if he continues we will go home and he will be in time out. Sometimes he will not stop fussing, crying, complaining etc to listen so I say what I am going to do, which is go home for a time out, then do it immediately so he realizes I am serious. I leave the cart full of groceries, movie theatre, furniture store salesman etc.... I always try to have control over the situation so he realizes he is not the one in control. I always follow through no matter what happens or where I am. I have stopped spanking him because I have found something that lasts longer than a spanking. I have begun taking away material posessions such as his favorite toys when he does something he knows is wrong or just doesn't listen. He and I will go and give his toys to goodwill the day after the incident. This has had the most dramatic result yet. If I warn him that I will give his favorite toy (light saber) to goodwill if he continues to Act out of line, he immediately behaves because he knows I will do it. Oddly enough I got the idea when I was getting a speeding ticket. He was in the car with me. I explained to him that Daddy did something wrong, which was driving too fast, so the police were going to take something I liked (money) so Daddy would remember not to do it agian. I decided to use this tactic on him and it works. He does something wrong I take something he likes permanantly. I only have to remove a toy about once a week. I don't make any threats, once I say what the punishment is has to be carried out or he will not take my authority as seriously the next time. We also use the star system. Rewarding for good behavior but there are times he doesn't care about the star or the rewards that go along with it.
When he was 2 years old I would just leave any public place that he was causing a scene and put him in "time out" back at home.
The looks from other poeple are the most amusing. I wish I could video tape them and watch them over and over again.
Before I punish I make sure he knows what he did wrong and why it is wrong.
Being Good = Star which equals a toy or movie after 20 stars.
Having to be told to behave = no star and you better be an angel the rest of the day.
Being Bad = Loss of possession or TV

[Remington]

I have very well behaved kids most poeple say. I have lucked out because of their good nature.

All 3 of them are very polite and respectful.

I spend a lot of time on rewarding and not just waiting to punish. I encourage the children to do good things.

MOST parents feel it is time to parent when the child begins to do something wrong. Kids just don't know the difference between right and wrong so they are gonna just do whatever.

I try to train my kids to do good things. This takes more of a PROACTIVE approach rather than a REACTIVE approach. Parents need to get more involved and rear their kids up in the direction they should go.

Forget about all this "interfering and stifling the child's creativity" junk. Get in their and show them how.

When it comes to spanking, I do it more often than I should sometimes. But, what happens with problematic children is they get in a rut and know no other way, so they can't behave.

If you prevent the child from getting into problems and distract them from creating habits that are of poor behavior then they know no other way. It is obviously harder to do than for me to sit here and just say it.

I sit with my kids day in and day out and show them things of good behavior and I reward them with things. I hug my kids a lot and I play silly games with them.

When I get mad I mean it and I get mad. When they do good things I get overly happy. This helps show the contrast and the kids begin to see my reaction to their behavior. They would be more than happy to see daddy happy than angry.

You have to work a lot on being happy. I find a lot of parents do not stress the appraisal part. So they aren't getting attention for their good things and only for their bad things. Eventually the kid will no gain the proper healthy amount of self-esteem which builds confidence and this will cause a child to just do things to get a reaction.

Try this....

React only to a child when they do something good. When they are bad just ignore them. Pretend they don't exist. (of course don't let the child get hurt). This can work real well. I find it too passive aggressive but in some cases it can work well.

[SAHF]

When they are bad just ignore them. Pretend they don't exist. (of course don't let the child get hurt). This can work real well. I find it too passive aggressive but in some cases it can work well.

This works REALLY well from the times I have used it with my son. I only have one problem with it.....the wife! So...I do it when mom is at work! :wink:

[jeffus]

Yeah, I'll spend all day battling the line against the Dark Side and the Good Side only to see it all smashed to pieces when Mommy comes home. A little dis-heartening, but I get to start all over again tomorrow. Mommy never told you about your father: "I'm your father Luke!" :evil: