go for 3?

[KarlSutton]

It seems the decision to have #2 was automatic, I am an only child & really felt strongly about my children having a sibling. Now that my youngest is almost 2 we both seem to be having baby fever again. We are 35 & 34 years of age & feel that if we are going to go for #3 that we should decide soon. We have a boy & a girl so it's not a matter of going for a specific gender. My concerns are, my wife's health (which is good but she is 34) the risks of pregnancy, our ability to keep up with 3 kids!

We have two beautiful healthy children right now and I feel very blessed to have them. Just trying to picture life with another . . .

I'd love to hear some stories from those that have gone beyond two kids.

[floridamcmarion1]

My perspective might not help you much, but I'll give it anyway. How many children I have depends on which ones you count. We have had 19 different kids in our time as a result of foster care. We currently have 4 at home, and generally claim a 5th that doesn't live here anymore and has a child of her own. We have legally adopted 3, and are legal guardians of a 4th. Those four live with us now.

If you are Christian, I would say to pray about it and try to follow God's will. If you are not Christian, then think about it, discuss it, and follow your gut. I have found that adding additional kids to the mix isn't really as hard as it might seem. For us, there wasn't the consideration of medical problems caused by pregnancy. We pretty much just let God decide the size of our family, since He was the one putting it together anyway. I feel confident that our family is complete now. The kids we have at home range in age from 17 months to 13 years old. We did have a newborn until about a week ago, but he has now gone to live at a different foster home.

Did you have a plan when you first got married as to how many kids you wanted? That might be something to fall back on. Bottom line is, it's a decision that you have to make for yourselves.

[silviomossa]

I can't give any real stories yet, as we (ages 38 and 35) also have two. Why? We love kids, and the more the merrier. Simple as that.

That said, I come from a family of eight. I can't convince my wife to push out that many.

[DarthDaddy]

Well here is the choices we made.

My wife is 33 and I am 32 (33 in April)

We have 2 boys right now. July 2000 and August 2004. My wife was pregnant with number 3, however we lost HER during the second Trimester. (During testing we found out the sex) We have decided to try again and have 3 kids. After number 1 it was actually a little harder at first to decide if we wanted another. After number 2 was born we decided to have number 3. It is a difficult choice to be out numbered by your children, but we are excited about the prospect of another. My wife is # 2 of 6 kids and I am # 2 of 3 kids.

If for some reason we lose another we will probably consider adoption. Actually if we have another and it is another boy we may even consider adopting a little girl.

We have also decided for my wifes personal health and the health of future children to stop before SHE is 35. After that point the risks increase and since we have lost 3 already it would not be a wise thing for us to do.

Hope this helps and does not hinder.

[2nd time around]

My opinion...you've only got two hands!

[sao95]

we're deciding on if we'll have two or not. We've had two miscarriages last year and the wife's health hasn't been great. For you guys who mentioned you were an only child, it sems your all against only having one, I'd be interested in hearing how it was being an only child, try to see through your eyes if you know what I mean, a little insight on the issues and what not of being an only child......

[CTDon]

my wife and I couldn't even imagine a SECOND kid right now, nonetheless a third. He's been such a hard child from the get-go, we decided on holding off on trying for another until he's out of diapers (he's 20months now).

That, or until he settles into a consistant GOOD sleeping pattern. But then again, we can't have TWO bad sleepers, right? :roll:

[Silverback]

I had two, a boy and a girl, and we were considering going for the third. Sounds very similar to your situation. We also knew it wasn't about trying again just for for the sake of producing the boy or the girl we didn't have.

I talked to LOTS of people who had children that were advanced in age, late high school, college aged, even married and gone. I asked them this, "If you had the chance to do it over, would you have had more?" I wanted to know what the voice of experience would say. 85% to 90% of those people said that they would have had more. Wow, huh? They also say that three is the MOST stressful, that it never gets worse than that. You can have 4 or 5 or 6 and the stress seems to stay about the same. I have no experience on that one so I'll defer to someone else. :)

I took what they said into account, but the bottom line was in my gut. I can't explain it but we just didn't feel like our family was complete. Now that my third and youngest is 5 1/2, I can honestly say that it was what needed to be. I cannot imagine this world and my life without the light and sparkle that she brings. It's as if she was MEANT to exist and I was simply the channel through which she arrived. That's how I see it and I hope I've explained it well. My hunch is that if you can't decide whether or not to have another then you probably will because when you know that you are done you KNOW that you are done. :wink:

[Jackson's Dad]

They also say that three is the MOST stressful, that it never gets worse than that. You can have 4 or 5 or 6 and the stress seems to stay about the same.

I'd guess that there's only so much stress a body can handle, and once you max out, you just stay there!

[Anonymous]

We have two.

I sorta demanded we put the brakes on it at that point. I would love to have had more, but in retrospect, given how things have shaken out in a number of ways, am glad I got snipped right after # 2 arrived.

Keep in mind that you have to raise these kids to at least college. If you are already wealthy and that is not an issue, heck have 16! Kids are the most fun and the most important thing you will ever do. But if you are not sure of your finances, please don't fall into the silly idea that "love" will get you through.]

Yeah, love is great, but so is being able to take the kids you can afford camping or out to eat once in a while or to a game or to the water or amusement park, etc. And believe me, all those Walton Mountain stories about wonderful Christmases with homemade socks and oranges for gifts worked well in the 1930s, but try that and see how you feel about it. Sure, there are people who raise their kids this way. We call them "nutjobs." When their kids grow up, they almost always rebel and end up pregnant at 15 or in jail.

It's also nice to be able to put food on the table and unless you need farmhands, you need to be realistic about how many kids you have in relation to your likely income. And you may also want to consider having enough to put aside for that time in the distant future when you want to retire to play with your grandkids. Hard to do that at 70 if you are puttin in 12 hour workdays at three part-time jobs just to be able to pay for your meds and your heat.

Tokie

[Silverback]

We have two. I sorta demanded we put the brakes on it at that point. I would love to have had more, but in retrospect, given how things have shaken out in a number of ways, am glad I got snipped right after # 2 arrived.
Tokie

Tokenconservative,
I can see why you might have that point of view. :wink: I, on the other hand, would have taken as many as she would have given me. I wanted to have a whole tribe. It might have something to do with the fact that I came from a family of 6 kids. 8) :???: :shock: :) :roll: :(

Alas, after three of the little wonders, she told me she was all done and went and had her tubes tied. We have a joke about the whole situation. We tell people that if anything happens to ME, my wife will never be pregnant by another man. But if anything happens to HER, I'm gonna marry some cute young thing, buy a house near a grade school, and start popping out another batch. She says that's fine by her because she won't be around to know about it. :lol:

[silviomossa]

I'm from a family of eight. Neither parent made loads, and they had a little help, but we all went to college (parents don't *have* to foot the whole bill) via various methods and routes.

Like Silverback, I'd also take more. But we'll try for three and likely stop there -- which these days, still seems excessive to many people. Oh well.

[longtimesahd]

We stopped at two I think three would have been tough. The parents I know that had kids old enough to help with #3 or 4 thought that was great. I also think money, and nearby helpful extended family would really help with more than two. We had none of that.

Now that my kids are in middle school, and there is lots more money, I can see that more could have been good.

However, I don't see how I could have survived with 3 kids under 5.

good luck