Friends

[Remington]

Hey guys, I had a question for you all.

First off in college I had several friends I hung out with, went out with, etc. I lived with the same 3 guys in a dorm for 4 years.

When I met my wife-to-be, I had just moved to a new community way away from people I knew. I was never alone and always with a friend doing something going somewhere.... on another adventure.

I live way up North from everybody and we have a house here now. The thing is I hadn't lived here before we got married more than 6 months. This isn't a lot of time to meet people etc...

4 days after we got married we moved to Columbus Ohio where my wife went to school for 4 years. During that time away we had 2 kids and one on the way.

Now that I moved back and am not working I haven't had that chance to go out and meet people, where if I had lived in the same community as I did growing up for instance, at least I could see some of them on ocassion.

Now, the question I have is, do any of you still get a lot of the same friends stopping in?

I get one couple that we go out with on ocassion - like maybe once every 3 or 4 months and that is it. The only other time I get out is to go to the in-laws... :shock:

[SAHF]

Uh....no.

I have a friend that we go to the gym with and do things. Other than that....most of my friends turned out to be bums and would just suck me dry so I have distance myself from them.

They do not understand the whole SAHD thing and why I am staying at home. They look at it as being a weak state as a man and where I am in my life...I do not need negitivity!

Looking at the paths we took back in the school days, my friends have choice a path that has them stuck in the 80s.

Personally I think it is just jealousy. :roll:

[Remington]

It is really funny the different reactions I get and it doesn't really matter whether they are male or female. Most people say, "oh how nice of you." Like I am doing somebody a favor.

Others are like... well read my signature. That is my biggest response.

Then even some guys are like... "Awesome... stay home, catch all the games on TV, drink brewskies."

I tell them that it isn't like that really. They then laugh. So I tell them that a lot of the time I am cleaning up diapers and waiting on my kids. Then they begin to cringe.

[SAHF]

Exactly Rem...

Once you "key" them in on what REALLY happens behind the closed doors, they do tend to back off or as you put it cringe.

My parents even do the same thing. My mom changes the subject when it comes to me telling her how my day was and what the kids did. :? Though it does tick me off....I let it roll of my back! I caulk it up to them being old! :wink:

We are living a life that MOST only wish they could!

[Remington]

I told my wife if I went back to work, my day would be easier.

I think of it as an investment. Working for other people is like renting. You put time and effort into something that somebody else owns. Staying at home is an investment. You put time and effort into something that is yours. So every time you invest in your kids and family you should see a great return. It is when we begin to not even do the every day family maintenance like kissing your wife when she gets home, reading to your kids, etc... that is when your investment begins to depreciate. :wink:

[tt3]

I've been lucky to have held on to a few friendships with folks from my working days. Haven't seen any college "buddies" in years. I say lucky because one of them is a stay home mom with a 2 and 5yr old, and he's a fellow brewer.
Its a lot harder to get to know folks, and I've found this town to be a lot more cliquey then I'd like. High school and college all over again. :roll:

I've gotten the "so what do you do all day?" from a few people. I usaually don't bother even trying to explain.
Other folks say "man, I wish we could afford for me to stay home" as they get into their new suv and drive home to watch the bigscreen... sorry, thats one of my peaves....

[Remington]

Yea, me too! I don't even have cable and people look at me like this ---> :shock:

"How do you survive?" squeeks out behind their shocked and distorted face!

[SAHF]

Yea, me too! I don't even have cable and people look at me like this ---> :shock:

"How do you survive?" squeeks out behind their shocked and distorted face!

:shock:

WHAT...you do not have cable? How do you watch the Sopranos???

:wink:

[Remington]

I miss all the baseball games but the game hasn't been the same for quite some time.

I watch the news and I never miss an episode of Alias!

But, I would just channel surf all day with cable.

[tt3]

I miss all the baseball games but the game hasn't been the same for quite some time.

I watch the news and I never miss an episode of Alias!

But, I would just channel surf all day with cable.

I had cable through college and spent many an hour, and some days just surfing. I used to live for the next episode of mash. Now I live for the next laugh from Tara... sappy? Maybe, but hey, its the truth. I don't want her growing up glued to the idiot box, and I know if we had cable, I'd probably not turn it off. :)

[Don-Dad]

I'm still pretty close with a group of friends from high school, but they live 2.5 hours away now. Only one has a child and none aremarried so in that aspect we have little in common but they have always been cool about me being a SAHD. Alot of my college friends have kids now and only a few have ever given me any crap.

You can tell you guys are starving for some adult interaction, keep posting away. its some good reading :D

[tt3]

Is it that obvious?!?
:lol:

[Remington]

Yap yapp yappa yap - yap yap yappers yap yappa!

How is that for entertainment Don? :lol: :lol:

[Don-Dad]

:lol:

Yada, Yada, Yada!


It will nice when we get some more members, many more replies and topics.

Does anyone here run a website? Maybe as this site expands, you guys can add some content and host the articles on your web space andI'll link them all together.

[tt3]

I've got this forum hyperlinked in my sigs for the other forums that I'm active in. With our family webdomain, we've got lots of untapped potential for more pages and whatnot. Its just finding the time to build them. :D

[Dad4Life]

I can relate to the 'no friends' thing. When we first moved up here, I was very leery of my new situation. It wasn't like I could just start hangin out with other moms in the neighborhood, and I knew of no other men around who were sahds. So it was just me and the kids for a while. But over time, I decided to become more active. We found a church, which did wonders. I played golf at my current homecourse, which opened the doors to many friendships. I decided to volunteer what little spare time I had left to the local youth sports program, and now I'm the director of the youth basketball program. Then, of course, there was the military reserves, and my eventual p/t job. I've lived in a huge city without friends before. It's almost like living in another country and not speaking the language. It's the most desolate feeling you could have. And the worst thing about it is that many of the people you crossed paths with each day were probably feeling the same way.

I learned a lot from that experience. So I knew one way to stay out of that misery again was to get active in the community. It has helped a lot.

Helping coach soccer, basketball, etc.. is an excellent way of meeting some great people, people who are generally around your same age. And the best thing is that you're making an investment to the youth in your community. :wink:

[Remington]

That is so great! I think that teachers and coaches don't get enough credit for their hard work and dedication. My mom teaches high school in Clearwater FL and I know she doesn't get enough credit for the amount of investments she has made to the youth and to her community.

I look outwards to the community daily but have trouble venturing too far at this point in time. I plan to get more active as my kids head off to school but they are still young.

What does your wife do for work if you don'tmind me asking?

[Dadaland]

Hi guys I guess i'm the nineth dad on the planet. who chose to stay at home ,, well sort of lets just say it was part of the deal.When I'm feeling used abused and totally abandond, I reflect on those poor S.O.B'S in Iraq
weather they were born there or forced to go there by that president that was barely elected in your country in either case it totally sucks. I Can't imagine the hell.


Anyway, I have been abandoned by my freinds, brothers, co-workers my neighbor's. I get the funny looks from everyone the"O must be nice" reaction from people when or if they happen to find out like the whole world does know already. people think i'm a bum that i'm lazy, crazy even what they dont know is that I get the inside scoop from the 6 year old 's who keep me filled in on current events Gotta go moms home.

[tt3]

Welcome aboard man!
I remember a conversation I had with a friend who has a toddler that is in daycare. I asked "do you cook dinner when you get home?"
"yeah"
"kinda tough with the little one beating around huh?"
"yeah, it is, but I usually have my wife watch him"
"huh? ever do it alone?"
"no way, it'd be tough"
"YOU THINK?"

Ya know, if they think you're lazy, they've never spent 8 hours alone with a kid. Sit on their ass in a cubical all day!
Oops
Get down off the soapbox Tony, step away slowly...
Anyway, welcome again!

[tt3]

Forgot to add,
You've got a place to chat and vent now.

My wifes uncle is a SAHD as well, except he's been doing this for 18 yrs if I got the story straight. It'd be interesting to hear what he has to say. If we've got a hard time of it, you got to wonder how he did it!

[Dad4Life]

What does your wife do for work if you don't mind me asking?

She's a training/HR exec for a chemical company. Been with them for 15 years -- they've been very good to us.

[Remington]

Welcome Dadaland to the new forums.

My wife even thought I was lazy for the longest time. She would come home and dinner was not ready or the house would be somewhat of a mess and I told her that I had been cleaning all day and that if I had not cleaned then it would look like a bomb went off.

Anyway she works 7 days a week and gets every 3rd Sunday off. I left one of those Sundays for 5 hours and left her with all 3 kids by herself.

By the time I got home she was screaming at the kids, the house was turned upside down, and all the kids were crying. She told me I was never allowed to leave for that long again. I started laughing because I stay home every single day.

I had sked her if she had dinner ready and I was lucky to walk away with just a black eye.

I got one day of revenge. She understood very quickly what it was like. Of course the kids are much better behaved under my command than my wife's. :wink:

[G1cajun]

The Friend thing has been a strange trip for me. When my wife and I married we had several friends from work. After we had our first child our friends dissappeared for a few years. They still lived in the same city and worked with us but, they stopped coming by, inviting us to their houses and stopped inviting us on trips. Maybe it was because we were the first to get married and have a baby and they just weren't sure . 3 or 4 years went by with hardly ever seeing any of our friends. Our best friend turned out to be my Mother. When our son turned 4 our old friends began getting married and having kids. All of the sudden we became the experts on child rearing in their eyes. They call us everyday and we visit each others houses almost every weekend. I think you have to have something in common and your friends can't be scared of your situation. We have also met some friends through my son's classmates since he went to Kindergarten last year. There is always something to talk about with other parents. We met a new couple last week when we went on a walk through the neighborhood. Having another parent to talk to is important for sanity sake. Even if it is Stay at home Mom.

[SAHF]

Friends...hummmm....

I can't remember those. The friends I have now are just gamers that I play games with after the kids and wife hit the beds! For the past 5 days, I have been pulling long shifts.

Getting up with the kids, feeding them, getting cleaned and dress for the day, clean the house, feed them lunch, play date (or something equal), dinner time, wife is home...hi honey! Then off to bed for EVERYONE. Log onto UBI game server and call up some buddies to play until 2 am.

Great stress reliever for me! As for friends outside the home....they work and have no time. Oh well! It is time for me to check my "day" game (Gang-wars). :P