Moving past the stay at home years

[Tireddad]

I am hoping someone might have dealt with moving back into the business world after being home with their kids.

I have what appears to be a big problem now that my kids have grown to the point they are not in need of my being home with them any longer. With 5 kids that are seperated by ten years, I have been home for almost twelve years.

I had only been employed for a year after college before our family had grown to four (one step child) and we decided I would stay home since my wife had found her career position and I had not.

Now, almost 40, and having been looking for work for six months I am begining to worry that I have jeopardized my chances to have a career. I had started to worry a few years back, but the potential daycare bill had us locked into what we started.

We live in a smaller town in the midwest. My only practical option for returning to school is at the regional tech school where I have looked at a two year degree in computers to supplement my business degree.

Aside from a few part time evening jobs I have had and being involved in a number of community organizations, the resume looks pretty thin. Except for a few women that have expressed some admiration for my choosing to be home with our kids everyone else seems to regard it as a sign of weakness or laziness.

I realize I made a sacrifice for my kids sake and I am happy I did. My kids have turned out very well so far, but I am wondering if I am reaching the point of having to accept the fact my sacrifice is going to be even bigger than I anticipated.

I would love to here if any of you have been through this. What helped and what didn't.

Thank You.

[DaddyO]

I will likely go back to work at least part time this fall. I'm reading and doing all the excercises in the What Color is Your Parachute book. I've actually done this twice before when making job/life changes and find it a very enjoyable and empowering process.

[pwrandall]

This is something I've thought about alot. My suggestion is not to view this as a return to the workforce, but as a career change. Lots of guys make career changes successfully after carefully considering what they want to do next. While I do hope to return to my profession someday, I'm hoping this perspective will ease the transition.

When I was getting my professional degree, two of the guys in the program were 40 years old and changing their careers. It required some balls for them to leave their jobs and accept student loans/debt; howvever three years later it paid off for them with good paying positions in a profession they enjoyed. Change entails both risk and benefits when done carefully and thoughtfully.

Good luck.

[longtimesahd]

REad "Going Back to Work" by Quigley and Kaufman. It's pink and written for moms, but it's right on point, so just get over the pink and read it anyway.

I have been out for 13 years and am 45, and I can say it's a very daunting prospect.

Two important messages here: One for us and one for young dads making this decision. Do not underestimate the effect staying at home will have on a normal "career." Go into this with eyes wide open. If you think you will return to work some day, keep a hand in it somehow. It's pretty scary as a male at 45.

Obviously, if you have any doubts about your marriage, you better really heed this advice.

[stretch]

Obviously, if you have any doubts about your marriage, you better really heed this advice.
Or know a really good lawyer! :wink:

[RefDad]

The reason I haven't posted in weeks is because I went back to work, sort of. I have created a few jobs that I do out of the house. I found that undercutting the competition, with the exchange of flexibility (i.e. working at home, I set times/dates for meetings, etc.) has given me some opportunity.

Like some of you, I went into this wide open eight years ago, assuming that my career would either be killed off or set back considerably. I'm not sure I want to go work for a company where I'll be on par with younger people who have the same professional time with me.

I have a passion for certain things and decided to make that passion a "job" ... We're lucky enough that we don't necessarily need my income, but we also don't spend very much in general. I'd prefer to work for myself, which sometimes means jobs that end up paying me only $4 for the length of the contract, and do a good job on my own terms ... than get back into a rigid work situation where I make less than I did in 1996.

Start slow and find something you enjoy -- you may not notice you're not making much money.

[dabrewinguy]

I'm not sure what field you're thinking about going into but I get the monster.com newsletters and recently there was an article about re-entering the IT job market. If no one objects to me posting the link to the article, it's HERE (http://technology.monster.com/articles/returntoIT/?WT.mc_n=MNL000166)

Even if you're not going into the IT industry, it offers some good tips on how to get back into working after taking time off. Also remember not to sell yourself short, staying home with the kids requires negotiation skills, time and money management, and alot of other things that get overlooked. Good luck!

[SGTDad]

I think a lot of it depends on what you're willing to do for work. Is there a specific career you want or can you be flexible? Are you willing to relocate? What about investing in education?

With that said, here are a few suggestions:

Education is more important now than ever. If there aren't many schools near you, there are thousands of quality on-line programs. If you already have a degree in the field you want to work in, then look at a master's program. If you want to switch fields, then look at an associates or bachelor's. I think education is your best bet.

The primary reason most employers will be concerned about your 12 year absence from the "regular" work force is because they're afraid that your skills will be forgotten and outdated. This is tough to combat. Education is one answer, but you should also consider working part-time or even volunteering to get some documented recent experience. Offer to work at reduced pay or on a probationary status for a couple of months so you can demonstrate your skills to a company.


If you're flexible about what you want to do and are willing to retrain, there are lots of opportunities out there where you'll be pretty much guaranteed a job. The biggest area I can think of at the moment is nursing. There's a huge nursing shortage right now and they are in demand everywhere. Some areas in the IT industry are always in demand as well. Search around for the severely undermanned fields and consider training for those.

Good luck!

[North Country Dad]

I agree with SGTdad. I've taught Job Training classes, and while education doesn't guarantee you anything, it certainly opens a lot of doors.

Also, computers and the medical field are where it's at. Getting a degree in either field (even better, a combination of both, like a radiologist) will increase your employment opportunities.

Good luck,
G