It all comes crashing down

[Kritter]

Well, about six months ago I became a stay at home pop. I was dismissed from my job, of ten years, for unjust reasons. I have been completely and totally happy here at home. Things run so much more smoothly when i'm home. I get to spend all the time I want with my four kids and dont feel rushed with it, if you can understand that. I dont feel like I have to hurry up and love my kids so I can get to work on time or get five or six hours of sleep. I finally got around to fixing a bunch of stuff aroud here. Now granted Im making about $200 less on unemployment than I was at work, but we've managed ok. I started writing again, which is somthing I thought about alot when working. I even got A column picked up by a local (VERY small) newspaper. Virtualy no pay(like $30 a week), but I am getting published on a regular basis which has always been a dream of mine.
I knew, in the beginning, that the Union at work would be working to get my job back. I have an arbitration hearing next wednesday. I dont want to go back. I really need the money. The savings we had is almost gone. I Really dont want to go back. When I got fired, and after the shock wore off, I looked around me and it seemed my kids had grown up a bit without me noticing. I feel like when I go back, it's like the next time i'll get to see my kids is when I retire. Im having a very hard time with this. Part of the problem is that my job is about an hour commute from here. The only reason I stayed there so long is because I cant find a job close to home at anywhere remotly near the same pay, even factoring in the travel costs.
Ive thought about going back to school or just starting out at a new job around here, but we had just got to the point where we were a tiny bit comfortable. Like I said we had savings which was the first time we actually could afford to put a little back. My kids are getting older and more expensive. My house is about 60 years old and needs constant repair. OK now I'm just babbling. Any sugestions?

[mjknapp]

Man, I dont know really what to say, I understand how you feel about not wanting to leave the kids, but if the bills arent going to get paid, I would have to go back to work. Keep us all informed on what you decide, and how everything is going.

[Anonymous]

This is a real dilemma. The bills need to be paid. The kids always benefit from dad being around a little more. Maybe a change in career to broaden your opportunities closer to home. You would probably be able to save some small amount of gas money and take a small cut in pay as a rookie at a new job. As long as the new job was close to home. It is a tough balancing act. If your job situation only allows you to go back to your recent employer, could you live on part time pay and work only 4 days per week? This would give you some income and give you 3 days with the kiddos. You have probably thought of these options and many more so I hope you can make yourself and your family happy. It took me 7 years and many jobs to figure out how to do this. I was in the same boat as you at one time. I used my savings to pay off debt and lowered my monthly bills and took a job with less hours and less hourly pay and lived less extravagantly but, my son saw much more often and he was stoked about it. He did not know Daddy was making less money. He just knew we had a roof over our heads and Daddy was around to play Horsey alot. Oh my aching back!!! The saving grace is that my wife was promoted 7 times in 2 years during this low income stage in our lives. I would like to think her success at work was partly due to less stress at home. The lessened stress came from my being home more to help out. It is of course due to her abilities and talents but, I like to take credit too. Good Luck. You will find what fits your situation best. Even if you go back to work full time and drive 2 to 3 hours a day you now realize that when you are home with the kids how much more important it is to spend time with them while you have the chance. Maybe that lesson is all this experience was meant to teach. So many of us Dads are not taught how valuable our time with our kids are. I'll stop rambling. I am sure you will make the best decision.

[Remington]

Boy, it is definitely a tough decision. Family comes first BUT you won't have a family if you can't pay the bills. Too bad you couldn't find a part time job near your home and then you can see your kids more and continue to write.

[Kritter]

UPDATE:

Well it looks like this one was out of my hands. I went to the pre-arbitration meeting and everything was set and ready to go. The Union heads all but told me it was a lock. I would be back to work in a few days. The day before arbitration the union called me to say the company was having a problem with the date and we would have a new date set. They said they would call and let me know when it was. Two days ago I got a letter that said in part
"The union feels that it could not prevail (in arbitration) based on information obtained in its investigation of this matter. Therefore the union's position is not to pursue this grievance into arbitration."
So here I am my unemployment ran out this week. I have no Job or prospects. My editor thinks I should syndicate my column, and is going to start submitting my work to the AP. My wife and I started making a syndication packet this weekend, and will start mailing them to small papers in the state Monday. I have high hopes but it would take about 20 papers to pick up my column in order for us to make it. Wish me luck.

[SAHF]

Damn.

Maybe this is for the best and you have found your calling! Good luck and get cracking!!

[tt3]

Huge good luck to you!

[benj]

There is only one trait that marks a good writer...He is always watching..

Like Don said, get crackin' mate!

[Jackson's Dad]

Best of luck.

[kidswriter71]

Yep, best of luck.

I agree with what others have said. Part of the problem with my old job was the long hours and travel. Maybe there's a possibility you could make a career change to something that doesn't keep you away so much? It might take a while, but maybe you could phase into it. Writing is a great career to do from home and you obviously already have talent in that area....

In my case, I wanted to change a careers for a long time and had been slowly chipping away at it by writing a little here and there in my spare time.

Winding up in the hospital and being diagnosed with a non-curable heart disease that could make you drop dead of a blood clot or simply progress into congestive heart failure was a great way to motivate me into quitting my job and staying home... I wouldn't wish that on anyone but after making the leap and having heaps of medical bills on my shoulders I am finding we really can make it. It's been a major lifestyle change but I can be home with my kids and I won't be going six feet under because my job put me there.

Again, good luck. I believe everything happens for a reason but sometimes you have to pave your own way to make things happen. Don't be afraid to lay some new asphalt.