New guy: father to be

[grynch]

Hey guys. I'm glad I found this place. I am taking 9 months do the stay @ home thing. This is our first - a boy due New Years Eve. I am going thru major stress at work right now (I work for my mom and stepdad). They are very unhappy about my leaving and it got ugly today.

I have to try and eat something now as I haven't been able to all damn day due to this awful stress.

Anyway - sorry for the glum intro. I look forward to getting to know you and picking your brains!!


Cheers.

[Don-Dad]

Welcome Grynch! Please ask questions.

Man, that stinks your family is giving you a hard time about taking 9 months to stay at home with your child. If anyone should understand, its family. They probably really need you at work but with this much notice they should be able to find a replacement that you could help train.

[tt3]

Welcome aboard, ask us all you want, or just post a rant! Hey, I do it often, it helps! :D
There are two rules I follow (though not very helpful in your situation ;) ) 1) never lend family members money, 2) never work for family. It can get just way too prickly as you are finding out!
Good luck with your situation, once you little boy arrives, be prepaired for a complete, total and permanent shift in priorities!
Again, welcome aboard!

[jeffus]

That's a tough one. Of all the people in the world that you think would be in your corner, it's very disheartening to learn of your family's disapproval. It just plain hurts. I came this close to telling my own mother to F-off! when she asked me if this is what I wanted to do with my life.

My life, huh. What about her grand-daughter? Should I just dump her in day-care and continue globetrotting and making tons of money? I've been informed that it is no longer legal to give a child a hug or to sit them on your lap if they need comforting. Imagine that. Hugs and kisses are no-no's.

If they want their grandchild growing-up like that, then remind them everyday you go back to work for them. Tell them that you have to get up very early and drop the kid off and you can't work overtime because you have to pick the kid up. Tell them when junior can't make it into kindergarten because he has 'issues' and you have to put him on Ritalyn for the AHDH and needs a counsulor, and they stress over the fact they have to pay for your medical plan.

And when they go into an old-age home in the future, remind them that you have to get back and run the business. "Sorry, Mom, Dad: I have to get back to the office and figure how to cut costs in the medical plan."

Don't doubt for a second that you are making the right decision for your child. In no time, your mom & step-dad are going to want to see the little one. This will be your chance to set the groundrules. Payback is a bitch! You'll have the heavy artillery after your kid is born. Use it.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Nice welcome! Thank you guys - your posts sure helped. It is very sad - they are very wealthy people and very driven by money. I am not - I work hard, but I work to live, not vice versa. My wife has started a new job doing housing appraisals. My stepdad said, "well why can't she just take the kid to work with her and you keep working?" and "you're giving up a dream job" and "you can't have your old job back when you come back" and my fave, "you'll be giving up your x mas bonus". Sweet huh? Tht'a a bonus I worked all year for. I created several successful brochures (blast proof office furniture and custom office furniture, currently a brochure on movable wall systems), plus my regular everyday bitch duites like washing his Escalade. :roll:

I'm so glad I found this place - I will be reading the posts for a while gettin' ed-a-mucated.

Cheers and thanks again dads - looking forward to talking more.

-Aaron.

[grynch]

oops - forgot to log in. It's 5:30 AM. I must be practicing for when baby arrives.

[SAHF]

Welcome aboard!!

We are glad you are here! And Louis... =D>

Grynch, have you tried talking to your parents about doing somethings at home that will help them out in the JOB? Maybe you can take on a new role within the same job that does not your body in the office. Telecommute type work. It does not hurt to ask.

Congrats on the soon to be stork package! New Years Day would be a sweet way to ring in the new year.

[Don-Dad]

Dang Aaron, those are some harsh parents. It's like "Congratulations, can't wait to have a granchild that will be raised by daycare." Geez.

I had my dream job before I decided to stay at home. It was a great job, good pay, good hours and great people. But you have to have priorities and your right about the whole money thing.

Hey, It's only September, maybe it's time to explore a at home employment opportunity. I take it you have some graphic design skills, I am sure you could open your own biz, even if its only part time.

[mjknapp]

Welcome, my birthday is New years day. The poor kid, all of their life everytime they tell someone their birthday, they will say "oh, a new years baby" I hate that, I dont like telling people my bday for that reason. Let's just hope it happens a day earlier and you can write the baby off for this entire year on your taxes......lol

That sucks about your family, but your family hasnt arrived yet, my family consists of my two kids and my wife, my "secondary" family is everyone else. I always do what is best for "my" family. Everyone else can just worry about themselves and let me take care of my business, as I am perfectly capable of making decisions in the best interest of "my" family.

Don't let them get to you dude, just let them rant and rave, stay home with your new baby, and if you have to, tell them you are not sure what you are gong to do until after they give you that christmas bonus, put it in the bank, make sure it clears your bank, then tell them you are staying home. Sounds mean doesnt it, but that is what I would do.

[SAHF]

Hey Mike...

Try telling everyone that you are a X-Mas baby. My wife was born on X-mas and that is ALL she hears ALL the time. She gets kinda screwed on the gifts things as well. Everyone lumps the gifts together.

We (dad and kids) have her birthday on Xmas Eve so she can have her day with cake and all!

[grynch]

Thanks again guys. I certainly offered to work from home for them - I can do my job at home easily, plus I live only 10 minutes away. They didn't go for it - not enough control. It makes me heartsick. The greed - and the power the stepdad has over the mother - and the power she tries to have over me. They keep saying they are only thinking of our best interests. BULLSHIT!

I am really trying not to let this misery kill my joy that I have in the anticipation of my son arriving. The more time goes on - the more I realize that my wife and child are THE most important thing and everyone else is 2nd fiddle.

I do have some graphic design skills and started looking yesterday online - there are quite a few gigs out there you can do from home.

I am just dreading the next 3 months here at work. Things are strained. Ever since they found out we were pregnant they have been weird and overbearing - not in a good way. What a shame.

Fortunately my wifes folks are the polar opposite - supportive and loving.

[grynch]

"Dang Aaron, those are some harsh parents. It's like "Congratulations, can't wait to have a granchild that will be raised by daycare." Geez."

No kidding hey? "Why don't you just keep the kid in the trunk while your at work??". The guy loves his dogs more than he loves my mother. And my mother thinks he's Jesus Christ himself. Sickening.

[Remington]

Hi grynch,

Looks like I got here a little late but welcome aboard... :D

[SAHF]

Thanks again guys. I certainly offered to work from home for them - I can do my job at home easily, plus I live only 10 minutes away. They didn't go for it - not enough control. It makes me heartsick. The greed - and the power the stepdad has over the mother - and the power she tries to have over me. They keep saying they are only thinking of our best interests. BULLSHIT!

I am really trying not to let this misery kill my joy that I have in the anticipation of my son arriving. The more time goes on - the more I realize that my wife and child are THE most important thing and everyone else is 2nd fiddle.

I do have some graphic design skills and started looking yesterday online - there are quite a few gigs out there you can do from home.

I am just dreading the next 3 months here at work. Things are strained. Ever since they found out we were pregnant they have been weird and overbearing - not in a good way. What a shame.

Fortunately my wifes folks are the polar opposite - supportive and loving.

All I can say about your second fiddle is this......... =D>

You have your priorities in the right order!! Do not let the last months be anything but a good thing. Just try this...it worked for me....go in everyday and do nothing but smile...nothing BUT! When you think you are losing grip, think about two things...the job is almost over and you will not have to deal with it again and your wife is having your baby!!!

Those two things will make everyday seem exciting! And if it seems to get to you TOO much...bare and grin it until you get home...then hit us up on the forums!! We can take it!

Remember, plesants thoughts when your wife is around. The happier she is the happier you will be!

[grynch]

Sound advise - than you.

[tt3]

... opine ...

Wow, I didn't read this post before I just used this word in another! Its just not a word you see every day.




Sorry, pointless post, I just thought it was interesting

[Remington]

anachronistic
Yea... what he said...

[tt3]

No way, man, keep it up, stretches those synapses and gives a great opportunity to mentally ... um... stretch... my brain...

8-[




dang, I need more adult interaction...

[Jackson's Dad]

Louis, I'm with you on your original post. No money is worth that misery. Grynch, your step-father is saying he's looking out for your best interests? Bull, he's looking out for his own. But you know, your decision is none of his business. Get out of there, because if you stay, you'll damage whatever personal relationship you have, or may have. Stay home with your child. Focus on what is important -- washing his escalade is NOT. A designer can always find good work from home (my sister did it for years)... find someone who values your contribution.

Hang in there, and don't let it get you down, or ruin this time for you!

Dan

[grynch]

Not at all Louis. I was looking for that kind of feedback, and you are right. It's horrible - and I need all the reinforcement I can get right now.

I appreciate your honesty and support - all you guys.

This is the biggest, most important thing that has ever happened to me.

It just makes me so angry and hurt that they are being this way. You know, if I was worth millions of bucks (even if I wasn't), and my child as about to have his/her first, I would do whatever it took to help them in any way I could - financially, emotionally. This is a time in our lives when we really need total support and love from our families. What a shame.

But really - I am so f**king excited about my baby boy and being home to raise him I can hardly stand it, and that's what's important.

[grynch]

JD - are those your photos on your website? They are gorgeous.

[Remington]

It is amazing how perfect children are....

[tt3]

What else is amazing is how incredibly cute they can be while still getting into a huge pile of mischief!

[Jackson's Dad]

JD - are those your photos on your website? They are gorgeous.

Yup, those are. Thanks, I appreciate it. Just began working on a new series (snatching a half an hour here and there to shoot in the studio).

[grynch]

Well, things really blew up last night. The mother called me and layed a MAJOR guilt trip - things got ugly and she hung up on me. Man when will this end? She is nuts. Totally nuts. It'll be a challenge to get thru the next 3 months.

[SAHF]

Hang in there my friend.

Some women go through it differently. Just keep your eye on the ball and yours! :oops: As soon as the little bundle shows up, it will all be a blur for you.

You are doing fine! Remember, a small note just to say I Love you (her not me) will go a long way! REMEMBER TO SMILE!

[grynch]

Thanks sahf. I will do my best. The hard thing is - at least right now - I don't feel much love for my mom. Mostly anger and resentment. And she towards me. Menopause and the prospect of being a grandmother must really be messing her up. :?

[Jackson's Dad]

Maybe a little polite dstance is needed. Not an agressive "I'm not talking to you", but as the guilt trip ignites, respond with a calm polite "i'm sorry, I've made my decision, and its not for discussion". They probably won't understand, but that's their problem. Just try not to burn any bridges. You just need to avoid them for a while!

[Anonymous]

Well things have chilled out a bit over the last little bit. The major tension is gone and they seem to have at least accepted that this is my decision. Things are definitely different now than they used to be - there is a bit of a wall up between us - we used to talk on the phone almost nightly. Now it's maybe once a week or less.

His due date is 1 month away! I had a bit of a relapse of chronic anxiety that was making me ill. It is slowly getting back under control.

Now what's irritating me is everyone at work keeps asking "so when do you take maternity leave?" A man can't take maternity leave dumbasses! It's parental leave! And the amount of time the same people ask me "when is the due date again?" - NEW YEARS EVE for the 8th time!!

Oh well - petty shit.

Frantic tic tic toc....

[Weston]

Hope things work out for you...seeing your child being born will be well worth the anxiety, stress, and conflict with your family...you will see :wink:

[grynch]

Thanks J Monkey. I hope you are right. The time is fast approaching and my anxiety is high. This is very surreal. Of course we just got our winter for real - the chinook broke, it snowed and is around -20 celcius. Now of course I waited too long to install the car seat and have to do it in the freezing snow. Frantic tic tic tic tock!!!!

[Anonymous]

Only Calgary and some place in Sweden get true Chinooks. They're awesome. It'll be -30 - so cold your snot freezes to your face instantly - then this warm wind from the mountains will come and raise the temp above 0 and melt the snow. But it's VERY windy.