The wife

[2nd time around]

Hey guys,
Just wondering if anyone else has this problem and can give advice. When the wife comes home from work (on the days I don't work -which is basically a handoff as I'm out the door) she likes to take over and seems to forget that I am home with him all day. She does things "her way" and tells me how to do the things that I have been doing all day. Then when "her way" doesn't work, and only then, she asks me for advice. It's frustrating sometimes and I try not to make a big deal about it because I know she feels guilty about not being there with him during the day, but sometimes...

ps-Thanks for welcoming me to the site, still waiting for my balloons, parade whatever for being the 100th member!

[Weston]

Yeah that sounds a little familiar.

I have to say that my wife isn't too bad about it though.

I think it might have something to do with her not becoming as familiar with our baby's limitations. By that I mean what is safe for him and what isn't. I'm with him a lot more than she is so I've become more familiar with what he can and can't do.

But also I do think it has something to do with needing to feel like she is still a huge factor in his life. So a lot of stuff I just let go because I don't want her to feel like she isn't an equal participant.

Heck she's got a lot of this stuff built in instinctively, I have to learn it the hard way! :roll:

[tt3]

Yeah, for the most part let it slide. She just wants to have some control over things too, working through feelings of not being there and the like. The only time I actively oppose that behavior is if it is disruptive to our set routine.
J, the limitations argument is one I haven't thought of either, though a source of frustrations. "She can't go down the stairs by herself" "...um... yeah she can!"
;)

[SAHF]

Here you go 2nd!

http://home.adelphia.net/~hrwasp/189.gif

http://home.adelphia.net/~hrwasp/groupwave.gif

Now, onto your issue!

Like T said, let it roll. Your wife is feeling a little left out. Just let it go until it does start messing with your routine. Then and only then have a heart to heart with her.

Just let her know, hey...I have been doing this for 8 hours x days and I have developed a routine with the little ones. Here is were you would outline the routine (but not all!). Ask for her to participate and ask for her input. But at the end ask her to understand why you are doing things this way and by NO MEANS, make it into an arguement!

She may not know how your routine goes.

I followed this pattern until the wife tried to take over completly. Then I just told her...do I tell you how to do your job when you are at work? Then please, do not tell me how to do mine. I welcome your input and suggestions, BUT not demanding.

Hope it helps!

[benj]

Nice smilies SAHF, they must be imports…I hope they have their green cards!

2TA, I think everyone is hitting the target on this issue. The only observation I can add is that when my wife was a sahm, I never challenged her ways or questioned her methods. In my pre-sahd days, she was the expert.
However, I had to laugh (inside of course) at how she failed to have the same confidence in me as a primary parent during those fledgling, first few months.
Nevertheless, proof was in the pudding when my dormant, paternal instincts began to awaken while hers began to dull and slumber.
Women are hard-wired so different than men. I guess that’s why we love them