Hello

[homewithtwins]

Father of 23 month old twins. Coming up on two years at home. Planning to return to work in about six months.

[benj]

Firstly, Welcome Twins...
Secondly, two seasons with doubles, WOW! You're the man...
Finally, before more of the guys shower you with greetings,
after two years as a shad, why the plans to leave the force?...just curious.

[SAHF]

Benj is quick...poor wife! :wink: JUST KIDDING!!

WELCOME and WHY? Economics?

[homewithtwins]

I have several reasons for the time line for returning to work. Obviously, the income would help. We have managed to get by on less for two years but it is starting to catch up with us a little. Second, I miss the adult interaction and mental stimulation that goes with work. Third, at 2 1/2 we can get the girls in a very good but horribly expensive preschool.
The last reason is that all though we believe our current arrangement has been best for the children, the underlying stress on the adults that goes with non-traditional roles will be lessened by my returning to work.

Having a stay-at-home parent was not part of our original plan. Of course, twins were not part of plan either. They were premature and had some respiratory problems that prevented them from being in daycare. We could live on my wife's earnings and insurance but not mine. I am sure this sounds familiar.

So, here we are. Two healthy girls, who are not yet two but are way ahead on their language development, know the alphabet and can count to twenty. We have done well with the current arrangement but at some point going back to work wil be the right decision. Somehow, the timeline has been pushed back twice. It may happen again.

[tt3]

Hey, welcome! I couldn't imagine changing twins by myself... I suppose you have a double stroller to keep one occupied?

[KevD]

Twins!! You are my hero. One at a time is good for this guy.....god willing!!

[benj]

w/ Twins…
I don’t make my decisions as a parent by reading stats or studies…I listen to these, but when it comes time to the crunch, I go on how I feel.
Having said this, I have strong concerns about childcare as it is used by many parents today, and believe that the damage it sometimes does to young children is of a hidden and long term kind.

I am not alone. Many child experts share this view.
(Prof J Belsky ’86, Dr. P Leach ’94)

The more I have talked to parents, child carers, the more my inner convictions have been strengthened.

Twins…I must stress that I am unable to prove what I am about to say, the research has yet to be done; however, the sobering fact is that we are unable to push a pause button on our children’s lives until one is finished. All I can tell you is my point of view, based on five years of experience, so you can choose to agree, disagree or keep an open mind.

In my humble opinion:

1. Long day care of kids under three, in an institutional setting like a crèche, we result in those kids having a seriously deprived childhood experience.
The younger the kid and the longer they spend there the more serious will be
their deprivation.

2. The problems and deficits will occur in many areas, I believe especially in those areas of emotional stability, intimacy and trust (which I’ve soap boxed before). The damage will be masked bay an apparent gain in superficial social skills which actually reflects the kid’s strategy for coping with this hostile environment.

3. In the long-term, these deficits will lead to problems in forming and keeping long-term relationships. The general mental and physical health (ever wonder why daycares kids are sick all the time?) of these kids is likely to be affected. Finally, when they grow up they may have difficulty bonding with and caring for their own kids.

In short closing, my belief is that except in those cases of parents who are seriously impaired or genuinely incapable of raising their own children, young kids are ‘always’ better off being cared for by someone who truly loves them. Young children’s bodies can be kept safe and their minds occupied; however, their deeper, more subtle needs cannot be met except by someone with a fierce, long-term commitment to them. Mate, this is something you can not buy.

Please Consider

[tt3]

Finally, when they grow up they may have difficulty bonding with and caring for their own kids.


All incredibly valid points, except on a personal level, I dissagree with this one. Or, more accurately, I represent one who may not have difficulty, if that makes sense. I was put in daycare since I was 6weeks old, and fed formula to boot. This being the mid '70's and accepted.

If someone feels they could be doing better by their kid working then staying home, they won't put their heart into it, and it will benifit the kid less.

Benj, I'm not trying to be a dink about it, just throwing another point of view. Clearly, I feel the daycare system isn't the best option, otherwise I'd have found a job too, right?