3 under 3

[Anonymous]

Three under three

Hi my name is Barent Foley I have a set of twin girls that just turned one.Then I have Lil Bare, Barent VanKleeck Foley old family name.THe twins names are Evelyn and Adele.I live in Fruita Colorado in a 1500sq' home.My wife is a Doctor family phis.She paid more in taxes than I made the last year I worked at Home Depot.SO I quit and Became a work at home dad almost 3yrs 9months ago the first nine months I spent riding my mountian bike.Now I barely have time to write this Evelyn is crying right now.WOW what a gram craker can do.
I have a question?How do you guys make your marriage work?
1-I stay home with kids all day no adult interaction.
2-Wife treats sick people all day comes home at 8pm
3-I'm in bed by 8:30
4-It's hard to do things together without the kids unless we do them in shifts on my wifes days off she has fun in the morning I have fun when the kids nap in the afternoon to make it easyer on my wife.
5-I'm scared that my wife and I are going to grow apart if we Don't Start Doing Things TOGETHER!!!!

Thanks for any input. Barent

[tt3]

Welcome Barent,
I can only really help with the first point. Look at the number of my posts. This is my adult interaction when my girl naps. When she's up, we don't stay home. Our morning is spent out and about, usually only an hour or two, three at most, but it helps... a lot. I'll probably be singing another tune shortly with the arrival of our second, though.
Good luck, glad you found us, don't be shy, post away!

[dad305]

Hello there Barent! Glad you discovered this great spot. I found it a few days ago myself and I was happy to discovered that there is a bunch of guys outhere as "bold" as I was.

Being able to maintain a sane relationship takes a a lot more work and thought as figuring out that Graham cracker will do.

If you are as fortunate as I am and one set of in-laws live nearby, well...you know what I am getting at. We take one night out of the month to go out. I realize that twins can present a considerable challenge to any grandma or grandpa.

I was having a rough time for a couple of weeks last month. For the first time ever I could see myself becoming more frustrated about everything and just about any little thing bothered me. Last Saturday I went for a long walk to figure what the heck was happening.

I figured out that I had no release valve. So we decided that at least twice a week I had to go running, or walking, or swimming or anything that would take me far from home. I considered picking up a hobby but that would keep me too close.

Believe it or not, joining this group of fine people has given me a fresh perspective and I found that these guys have a great sense of humor.

It's not easy Barent, but it's a sacrifice you and your wife will be able to look back and be proud of.

Anyway sorry for the lenght of the message and hope you find a way to work it out.

[Weston]

hey barent

We came very close to moving to Colorado about four yrs ago. Very pretty.

We've got one boy 4 and a half months old and have problems going out as well. So don't know what to say about that, but maybe if you can find a way for the whole family to make a trip at least once a week. At least you'd be able to get out of the house! I know with 3 kids its probably easier said than done.

Feel bad for you not being able to mountain bike in such a beautiful state!

Like it was said earlier, this site helps a lot during the day. We have a wide range of views, opinions, and former occupations, but we all have this one thing in common.

Come back and post often!

Mike J. aka J Monkey

[Indy]

Hi Barent.

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. The wife gets up for work at 4:30 and typically doesn't make it home until 6. She works monday-thursday, giving me the opportunity to run errands and what-not on Friday. Weekends are usually pretty busy.

Our daughter's 11 months old and is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Fortunately, our parents live about 15 minutes away, less than 2 miles from one another. They're more than happy to babysit and often give us grief for not letting them do it enough. When we take them up on it, we usually go to a movie or grab dinner in an adults only setting (read the local pub). It helps us both unwind and gives us a chance to talk with one another. Sometimes we'll even spend the weekend there, giving us adult interaction and someone else to help keep an eye on/entertain the baby.

We're running into a situation now where the kid's up almost all day and is often up until well after mom's gone to bed. I wind up pulling the late shift, making sure the kid's going to stay asleep. She's gotten into a bad habit of waking up in the middle of the night and winding up in our bed. It's not something we want to do, but at 3:00 in the morning I've finally shut down and the wife's only an hour away from getting up and going to work. So long story short, the baby's pretty much by my side from 3:00 AM to 11 PM. The four hours she's not next to me, I'm trying to get some sleep. Needless to say, intimate time with my wife is very few and far between. Given that it's been that way since my wife got pregnant in the spring of '03, I sometimes get pretty frustrated.

One thing that I've found is critical is keeping the stress level down. I typically limit my excursions out of the house to one day a week. This helps keep gas costs and mileage down on the vehicles, but it makes me shack wacky. One of the problems we run into is that my wife is worn out by the end of the week and wants to relax and catch up on sleep. I, on the other hand, have had about enough of being stuck at home and can find things getting on my nerves. At that point, I HAVE to get out or the stress starts building.

[Jackson's Dad]

So long story short, the baby's pretty much by my side from 3:00 AM to 11 PM.

Oh, that sleeping in the bed thing is a tough one. My sister did it with her two kids, and wow, the problems just escalate. At one point they had the two adults plus a 4 year old and a 1 year old in a full-sized bed. Took them months of work to get the kids to sleep alone. We started from the beginning insisting that the boy always sleeps in his own bed/crib. In terms of helping the marriage, this gives us some time when we can be alone together -- even if we are both asleep, at least we have some us time.

Lots of people kept telling us to "sleep when the baby sleeps". But you know, I've always resisted, and I'm glad I have. Sure, I am tired a lot, but it's like being back in college when you were always tired. If I slept when he does, then I'd never have any adult time -- all our waking hours would be focused on the baby. By staying up, we get to read, to talk, to watch TV (thank god for tivo!)... to be Us again. Sometimes the tiredness gets us, and we crash early (last night the wife went to bed early, while I played Nintendo - a rare treat), but it's nice to have the time alone.

[tt3]

I also agree with Dan, we've seen both in our family and friends the trouble caused by having kids in the bed with you. Its just not worth the hassle. There was a stretch when T was itty that she'd end up in the bed, I'd fall asleep and not put her back, but then none of us would get a decent sleep. That ended. My brother and his wife had a difficult time getting their 5 year old out of their bed and into his own. Their two yo daughter still sleeps with them.

eh, sorry if my thoughts are all disjointed, Tara woke up twice last night and early this morning. Coffee hasn't set in yet, and I'm firing on about two cylanders.
Yeah... still no nap for me :D

[EX Race Driver]

One thing that has really helped me is the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman...Its about $13 and can be found at just about any book store....But the both of you have to read it to get the full "effect" of it....

I suggest this book to even single people....It has really helped us understand each others emotional needs...She knows my love language and I hers..

Guys I know this sounds like one of those chic books but read it if you get the chance....It really helps..


I have read it about every six months for the last couple of years.....and I am not one to read alot....

[homewithtwins]

Judging from this post and your other post we are in the same boat. The differences are that my twins are two, no older children, and my wife is an attorney. She works 60+ hours a week, depending on the case flow.

We have struggled to find time for our relationship. It gets a little better when the twins get older. Our situation developed out of neccessity. I made less money and did not have the best insurance, and our girls were born early and developed respiritory trouble that made day-care dangerous for them when they were infants. I was the best care-giver option.

They are now healthy children far ahead on language development and completely caught up on the physical side.

The only thing saving my sanity is mothers-day-out on Tuesday and Thursday morning. I usually take that time to go to the coffee shop and read the paper, and get a 2 or 3 mile run in before picking up the girls. We have been trying to take an early lunch together on Thursdays. Unfortunately, Federal judges don't always consult with me before setting hearings.

We are trading early retirement and paying off our mortgage and student loans for me staying home now. As the girls get older, we are struggling with should I go back to work.

[hockeydad]

Hello Barent,
Welcome to the site.
About the marriage thing. Crazy as it is one of the things that helps us the most is living in Montana. While the country is much bigger in size out here the population centers are much smaller. The wife is a lawyer and works at a firm 10 minutes from the house - and that's half way to 'the other side of town'. So I can see her just about anytime I want. We also arrange babysitting exchanges with friends.

Another thing you might want to try is sleeping less. It's amazing how much more can be squezed out of a day going from say an 8 hour a night sleeper to 6 or 7 hour a night sleeper. Your body adjusts.

[Remington]

Welcome Barrent,

I would love twins some day. My wife is due with our fourth on Christmas Day and I will be at home with 4 kids under the age 5.

I wanted to comment on the kids in the bed thing. My wife and I have been doing that since day one. It was hard with our first child to get her out of bed with us. She was nearly 2 years old before she slept in her own bed. On top of that we had Sammy in with us. Bad situation. You want one on one time with the wifey and you are left rolling over to some kid kicking you in the side.

But I have found the more kids you have the easier it is to just toss them all in bed together and say "sleep"...