Temporarily at home dad

[MacDaddy]

Hi all,
I'm new here, and would like to stay around much longer, but my at-home situation may be temporary. Let me explain.

Since our third was born, my wife has dealt with severe anxiety which has turned into depression. It lasted for 6 months at first, then went away, and is now back with a vengeance. I'm employed full-time at a company where I've been for 13 years, and they've been very flexible and understanding and have allowed me to work at home for as long as needed. I have good benefits there. I'm also protected under FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) which protects my job and insurance since I'm the primary care-giver for my wife. I can take up to 15 weeks off, of course without pay, and still have my job. I certainly can't take that kind of time off for financial reasons. I also have a very busy freelance job that keeps me busy, and I hope someday will be my primary job.

Herein lies my problems. Since my wife has this anxiety/depression, I'm home to help take care of my three children (6, 3, and 20 months). Some days, I'm not just helping, but it's ALL on my shoulders, two jobs, the children, the house, while my wife deals with her depression. My mother-in-law helps so much, but most times, the children want dad, not grandma. My wife has shown some improvement, but not near enough to have me go back to work full-time. I've thought of doing that to force my wife's progress to move faster, but it would eventually fall on my MIL shoulders, and I don't want my children to be raised by anyone else but their mommy and daddy.

I've also thought of quitting my full-time job and doing my freelance full-time where I have more control over my schedule. It's the lack of insurance that scares me and my wife. I'm at my wit's end, and I'm stressed beyond belief.

I've thought of several scenarios:

I could quit my freelance work.
I don't really want to do this, because I feel I have the most control over my freelance career and my schedule, where I feel like I'm very vulnerable with my full-time job, even with the FMLA protecting me. I definitely don't have control over my schedule there.

I could take 15 weeks off.
Then what?

I could quit my full-time job.
Lose my insurance, loose the steady paycheck. We could definitely live on less and my stress level would lower so much that it would more than make up for the temporary loss of steady income. This option stresses my wife out. I need to think about my well-being too if I'm to be the strong one.

Make my wife work while I stay home.
Not an option with her health.

Have my Mother-in-Law help babysit every day.
Not an option I'm willing to look at. She's very busy with her own schedule as well.

Any advise out there? I'm quite lost.

MacDaddy, temporary at-home dad

[Don-Dad]

Wow Mac, you sure have alot on your plate.

Money is good to have, if you think you can make enough to live the life you want freelancing and it would relieve some stress, then that might be worth a try. As for insurance, though expensive (probably $500 or more a month), you can get some on your own. If you freelance, look into the local chamber of commerce, many times they have programs for small business owners to get health insurance at a lower rate. They pool all the businesses together for some leverage and discounts for all the businesses.

Do some research, talk to an acocuntant, they are great and finding ways to save money on your tax bills and most times can provide advice on starting a business, if your going to freelance, might as well get a DBA and be legit.

[MacDaddy]

Thanks, Don. Nice couch...we have the same (my son pointed out).
Brain cramp maybe, or naivity... what's a DBA?

[Don-Dad]

That couch stinks, hehehe, can't wait for a new one :)

DBA - Doing Business As. Usually pick on up at your county clerks office. Cost very little in most states. The you can open up a business checking account and your then pretty much a "legal" business. You could apply for a Business SSN from the IRS.

I do some freelance work and the first thing the acocuntant told me to do was get a dba and a business checking and keep it separate from personal accounts.

[chipdad]

Maybe you could have the mother in law come just 2 or 3 days a week to help out with the kids while you deal with the house work, etc…
It sounds like the freelance work may be a dream for you that may work out down the road. I would sit down with the kids and tell them that grandma is going to be here today or tomorrow and you’ll need to listen to her, blah, blah. I have a 5 year old and a 21 month old and when my mother comes to the house, I can do whatever I need to do, they love her…
Be sure to support your wife and get her the help that she needs and we’ll pray that it all works out for you. :D

[Weston]

Sounds like you have a complicated situation to deal with...but because of your freelance work, its too bad that you can't stay at home and watch the kids while you do that. If insurance is the main obstacle then you could do like Don suggested and buy it yourself.

I think the health of your wife is a top priority... I am wondering however if a part-time job for her wouldn't help some? I suppose it depends on the person whether this would help with clinical depression. Loss of insurance would probably be the worse thing in your situation.

Good luck and hope everything works out,
Mike