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  #21  
Old 12-17-2015, 01:25 AM
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Geeks.

Holy fricking huge pic, T.
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  #22  
Old 12-17-2015, 02:45 AM
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Geeks.

Holy fricking huge pic, T.
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  #23  
Old 12-17-2015, 02:46 AM
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Check out the dismount, too!
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  #24  
Old 12-17-2015, 04:41 AM
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Got in on this a little late. But hot ziggity!!! That escalated quickly!!!

So El Capn’, you seem to have come on here and said, “Fellas, do you feel you lost your Bro-Card when you became a stay at home dad?” I don’t understand the preoccupation with masculinity. Nor do I understand your definition of it. I’m not saying that you’re wrong. I just don’t understand it. I hang out with all the same guys that I did before. Most are jealous of my situation, not condescending toward it. My wife is super cool because she appreciates what I do for her, for us, for our family, and she knows I don’t have to do it. If I want to play golf, I play golf. If I want to go to a game, I go to a game. She took 4 days vacation so I could go on a 4 day bike ride/camping trip with some friends. She even left work early one day so I could make it to my fantasy football draft. While a big part of what I do on a day to day basis is what the most “masculine” among us might consider “women’s work”, it doesn’t define me. But whether it does or not is a decision you have to make.

According to your colleague’s definition, maybe yours, I lost my Bro-Card the second I said “I do,” as money/providing seem to be a major component of what makes a man. Maybe I need to do more hunting? I was/am a high school teacher. (Still taught many classes online up until this year, will probably return when my kids get into all day school) My wife has initials after her name and always made more money than me from day one, and not just a little more. I needed to be okay with that from the beginning or make the decision to give up something great because of SOME people’s definition of masculinity.

You say that you ask the question because of what you found through google searches. I’ll channel my inner Yogi Berra and say, “You can’t believe half of what you read on the internet. The other half isn’t true.”

I echo many of the other comments. If you make a decision that is right for you and your family. If you and your wife make that decision together. If she’s okay with it and most importantly for you...if you’re okay with it...Why does it matter?

I’ll finish with this. You said that making 80% of the income, being a provider, and being a protector is an advantage that you have over…..presumably...me. I never feel like more of a man than when my three year old daughter skins her knee or otherwise gets hurt and she runs to me rather than my wife. Which she does every time. She is quite literally saying, “Something hurt me. I need to be protected. And I choose you.” This is one of those things, as you say in your original post, that you probably won’t know other than through experience. I hope you can experience it one day.

Good Luck!!!
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  #25  
Old 12-17-2015, 05:51 AM
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Originally Posted by captainpicard View Post
I've seen some eloquent and thoughtful responses on this forum, so I appreciate anything you may wish to add.
Hmmmmm, Picard pics........

I'm going to shoot for thoughtful but no hope on eloquent. I do think you have to have a good sense of humor, proof of that with these guys above. :D I also think this question is a good one, that many guys don't figure out how masculinity affects them. I think it's the reason you see so few of us on this forum, because of some of the things you mention in the original post. It is a challenge sometimes. Many on here have gotten divorced, I've felt the SAHD thing pull me that way too sometimes. Whether it had anything to do with our cultural ideas of masculinity, who knows, but I wouldn't be surprised.

I live in Montana, and as you might guess, it's a place where masculinity is pretty big. The last time I made more money than my wife was before we were married, over 20 years ago. Last time I had a regular paycheck was 18 years ago. I'd be lying if I said it was no issue at all for me. Here's one that gets me, the health care card that came yesterday has me listed as a dependent under my wife. I don't like being dependent on anyone. But we're dependent on each other for different things so it evens out.

Part is as GBdad said, looking at how you provide differently than just cash. My boys are doing amazingly well in school now, I'll take a lot of credit for the endless time I spent with them reading, showing them how to learn and be curious (actually that could equal cash in the form of scholarships soon). I still feel like the leader of their upbringing, with of course a very good co-leader, my wife. They're still alive, if you've been a parent for 17 years like me, you know that's a big provide!

I do think there's part of everyone on this forum, and elsewhere, that still has a subconscious need for traditional masculinity too. Everyone to a different degree. Read how many posts we talk about beer, sports, cars, tools, breasts, or whatever thing like that you can think of. I love going up in the mountains and cutting down 60 ft. pine trees and bucking it, splitting it, hauling and stacking it. I'd love to have more time to work on my old musclecar, actually rebuild that engine I tore apart. I love showing building projects I've done on here, getting to use all those tools I've collected.

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Originally Posted by captainpicard View Post
Masculinity is important to me. I can't change that. What I can do is ask the advice of men who have gone before me.
I'd respectfully disagree that you can't change that. I agree you can't change it completely, but some. If you can't change it at all, then you should NOT be a primary caregiver, or even a parent IMHO. One masculine trait that has to go is the need to be in control. When you've tried everything your google search has turned up to calm a screaming, out of control baby and he's still screaming, you HAVE to be able to willing to acknowledge that you don't have the answer, you can't fix this. You can be in control of yourself and how you react, but not the situation.

Mark's sarcastic comment about you being a great parent is spot on - if you react defensively when you think you're being challenged, you can't do this. You have to learn differently or you'll end up with a kid that's hurt either physically or emotionally. At times they will insult you, they'll confuse you, they'll challenge your authority, they'll refuse to love you. And the next minute they'll do the opposite and be angels.

Really, all the masculine crap is just that, crap. I look at guys here where I live with huge pick-ups, spitting chew, drinking too much, or smoking cigarettes. Guys who couldn't handle their wives making more $. Who would be embarrassed to be a stay at home dad or change a diaper while their wife was there. When you really look at it, aren't they the ones who are weak, who are so concerned with how strong they appear to others? The one who must feel inadequate? Strength and confidence and maleness has nothing to do with providing cash, so I would respectfully disagree with your premise that it gives you "concrete advantage over," as you put it, a full time SAHD like myself.

But I do agree with you picard that it's an interesting issue. Thanks for bringing it up, and welcome the forum. (manly beer cheers)
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Last edited by Riggs; 12-17-2015 at 06:05 AM.
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  #26  
Old 12-17-2015, 10:45 AM
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And Riggs knocks another one out of the park
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  #27  
Old 12-17-2015, 10:57 AM
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Does that make him the Alpha?
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  #28  
Old 12-17-2015, 11:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tt3 View Post
Riker was cooler with da beard.
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  #29  
Old 12-17-2015, 11:27 AM
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Riggs is a Malpha

(Maximum manly alpha)
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Last edited by jeffus; 12-17-2015 at 11:29 AM.
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  #30  
Old 12-17-2015, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by jeffus View Post
Riggs is a Malpha

(Maximum manly alpha)

True dat!

BTW fellas, It is Star Wars time now, not Star Trek! Get with the program! (BTW, I hate both of those series). Anywhoo, GBDad and Riggs pretty much covered everything. Being a SAHD is NOT for the thin skinned. I have been at this for 14 years. I have not lost my masculinity. I still pick up the check. As a matter of fact, even after not receiving a paycheck in 14 years my wife is listed as the Co-borrower on the mortgage we are currently refinancing.
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